POST NUMERO 18: Memorial Day, Spot the Sloppopotamus, and A Game

Happy Three day weekend everyone!!!

Ok so I have not posted in a few days but time to get going again (damn me and my laziness)!! Firstly, I want to thank all the private messengers…some of you subscribers and messengers are really wonderful and I am loving the feedback…others, unfortunately, I despise you with a passion! I especially love reading all the wonderful posts in different languages...keep. them. coming!.

In this post I am basically going to be rambling so buckle up…

Let me set up a scenario readers…

You  enter a party…you are relaxing and having a good time…and suddenly the “Safari” breaks out. The party becomes mostly hormone and alcohol fueled. Everyone is having fun and bonding with close acquaintances as personalities begin to flair and “drink is drank”…The room is filled with levity, you are feeling good, you are having fun…when suddenly…the hunt is on…

This is when my favorite party game begins…a game known as “Spot the Sloppopotamus!”

Readers, I know what your reaction just was, “A WHAT?! A HIPPOPOTAMUS?! A WHAAAT?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!” and I am sure some of you are even going, “I WONDER IF THAT IS LIKE PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY!?!”…

Well readers, “Spot the Sloppopotamus!” is so much better…so…so much better…However in order to understand the game you must first know what a Sloppopotamus is.

Definition:

Sloppopotamus: Noun: a. The “hot mess” of the party  b. The sloppiest drinker and partier in the room  c. The “ship wreck” of partiers  d. the vom-vom-cray-cray-rey-rey

“Wow, after one beer at the holiday party Carol became the Sloppopotamus as she cried, yelled at, and kicked the copy machine”

The word, which was made popular by a certain TV show that sickens me, is basically a wonderful way of describing the individual who becomes “A sloppy drinker.”

Now, don’t deny it, we ALL know that one person or friend who becomes the dreaded “Sloppopotamus”

To help you find out who the Sloppopotamus is here are some helpful reminders, distinguishing facts, and hints:

• The Sloppopotamus is the person who can be compared to or nicknamed the “Titanic” when drinking.
• The Sloppopotamus will be the person who drinks till they black out, and are normally falling over and under things. Gravity is a huge enemy of the Sloppopotamus
• The Sloppopotamus can be the girl or guy that begins slurring words, throwing stuff, and picking fights with both animate and inanimate objects.
• The Sloppopotamus might become such things as a raging kleptomaniac, racist, a spirit guide, know-it-all, or begin to curse wildly during peaceful conversation.
• The Sloppopotamus will show a varying amount of emotions with in a short amount of time.

Ok now that you have a general idea of what the “Sloppopotamus” is…this is the game

Can you believe the "Sloppopotamus"  is actually the girl all the way on the right...

SPOT THE SLOPPOPOTAMUS!
Materials: Paper, Pens or Pencils, Imagination, a Raging Fun Time, Drinks, and Good Times all around

Number of People Needed to Play: 1 or more

Ages: Recommended for ages 18 and above

The rules of the game are simple. The key to the game is keeping an accurate score and gaining the most points…The point of the game is simple and the key rule is every time you find, spot, or stumble upon “Sloppopotamus behavior” you gain a point/ mark. The person who spots the most “Sloppopotamus behavior” before the other players wins.

Make sure the people you are playing with add in some bonus pointers to make the game more interesting…some of my go to “bonus” finds are:

-          A Sloppopotamus lighting the wrong end of a cigarette (+4 points)

-          A Sloppopotamus falls asleep standing up (+3 points)

-          A Sloppopotamus begins crying in the corner (+2 points)

-          A Sloppopotamus removes an article of clothing at an incredibly in opportune moment (+2 points)

Have fun with the bonus points…and remember the “Sloppopotamus” is not an endangered species so this game should always be high scoring.

So readers, I challenge you at your next function to play “Spot the Sloppopotamus”…AND readers, because I care about you,  I recommend never actually becoming the Sloppopotamus! Keep it classy!

Anyway this was just a short post on the “Sloppopotamus”…Happy three day weekend everyone! I hope many are enjoying the warm weather and beach around the world.

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

Happy and Blessed Memorial Day!

(Hey y’all I’m Kayla and I’m bombing Matteo’s post. He’s Sloppopotamus right now as he’s writing in case you guys were wondering! If he doesn’t proofread...this will make it in! Also since I taught him Sloppopotamus I propose we also start using slutapotomus! Till next time readers! Sto Lat)

^I found this little blurb in the middle of my blog post earlier…my friend Kayla, creator of the above artwork, apparently took advantage of my blog when I was slightly sloshed and not paying attention…

POST NUMERO 17: Party Success, and Dancing Time Challenge

THIS JUST IN!! The Torre family has finally, FINALLY pulled off a successful party! A party with real people other then the four main “Torre”s!! A party at a REAL restaurant and not in our house!! A FREAKING REAL PARTY, WITH REAL FOOD, and REAL PEOPLE!!!! IT IS A WINE WENESDAY MIRACLE!!!

This is such a success for the Torre family!! On the ride home from the party we actually talked about what a success it was! For once we did not need to use the word failure during a car ride!

HOOORAY!!!!

With the excitement of this success, the numerous graduations, and with it being Wine Wednesday…my random thought filter has been removed and I have been on full blast all day. So, tonight I bring you a random topic such as this…

I realized while standing at the party that I tend to dance a lot. In fact I dance all the time…no matter if there is music or not…no matter if it is appropriate or not…I just kind of move and wiggle around (wow, wiggle is a terrible word…stop reading for a moment and say it a few times…wig-gle, wigglle, wig-gle, wi-gull, wee-gle). One problem with my dancing is that I have zero rhythm and at times I can’t control the lower half of my body…aka “crazy hips syndrome”. Yet, somehow in my lack of rhythm I have found and created a few main moves that when done in a certain order make it look like I could have the possibility of being a freaking amazingly talented dancer (not really, but I am allowed to exaggerate).

Here are a few of the moves with clear (not really) and step by step directions (not even close to step by step)

Move Number 1: “Ship-hips”

Ok this move consists of isolating the hips and just moving them back and forth…back and forth…back and forth… Like a ship on water rocking back and forth…to illustrate for you readers, picture this, move the lower half of your body (from waist down) as if you were trying to remove your pants with out using your hands and by just wiggling and gyrating the lower half of your body.

Move Number 2: “Invisible Hula Hoop”

Go hula hooping…practice how to keep the hula hoop up…then remove hula hoop…continue hula hooping with imaginary hula hoop…BAM…welcome to the dance move known as “Invisible Hula Hoop” …feels good right…

DISCLAIMER: Now I warn you…these two  moves (Ship-Hips and the Invisible Hula Hoop) if done improperly can make the dancer go from 0 to 100 % “Slutty McSlutson” in seconds. Also, if not practiced people might think something is very wrong in your pants…Practice wisely and try not to pull anything.

Side note…I have been challenged before to a “hip off”…I win every time…in fact this amazing girl Amy from Britain (I have mentioned her before) used to challenge me to a “Whose Hips Move Better Contest”…I won every time…every time…I think the final scoreboard was :

[ Italy/Me: 290 ------ Britain/Amy: 0]

…I got Hips, impressive hips…(If Amy just read this I bet you she cursed loudly and screamed, “liar!”... however she has some wonderful hips as well...)

Anyway, Back to the dance moves!

Move Number 3: “The Unfunky Chicken”

Flap your arms like wings and turn in a slow circle while thrusting in random directions…the unfunky chicken surprisingly works with every type of music…this includes slow opera, folk singing, relaxing whale noises, monk chanting, and hardcore gospel music.

Move Number 4: “Organized Hand Flails”

Move you hands in various punching, sliding, flapping, clapping, and other diverse manners. However, make it look like you have done this move billions of times over and find a pattern…hence “organized hand flails”…Some Organized Hand Flails include but are not limited too the dreaded air punch, the double air punch, the face wash, the swim, the drown, and the ever important and impressive duel handed monkey wrench swing.

Move Number 5: “Invisible Bongos”

Invisible bongos…pretend you have 9-10 invisible bongos in front of you…visualize them all…some can be magical floating bongos up in the air…others on the ground…when the time comes (and believe me you will feel the perfect moment in the music to bust this out) start playing your invisible bongos loud and proud while slapping the air in a fiery passion of dance fury…also add in the occasional thrusting…

Imagine the Bongos in this box...then play the crap out of them on the dance floor!

Ok, so those are some of the ones I can think of right now. I know I probably have more moves and will jot some down tomorrow as I go throughout my day…I challenge you all to try and work out some of these moves. Hit the dance floor, let down your hair, bust out some major ship hips, and invisible bongo the night away!

Anyway, This is a quick entry…lots of new subscribers from all over the world! Love to hear some feedback about anything and everything!

CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 16: Hawaiian Friends, Surviving Graduation, and Murder eyes

Alright Readers I have HAPPY NEWS (at least for me…this really wont mean much for most of you) …I just figured out one of my best friends whom moved away to Hawaii is reading my blog! So the pressure is on to make these posts extra amazing from now on…So now that I know I am being read by one of my nearest and dearest…BRING IT ON!!!

I need to dedicate a few posts to her about our numerous adventures…dang nabbit will those blog posts be entertaining…like one time her and I…

Nah, I love her, but this is not one of those dedication posts…Only because If I started writing about her I would never stop. So for now I am just going to type one thing to her in order to send some good vibes

I LOVE and MISS YOU ROCKY (not her real name) !!!!

Anyway so yesterday I posted about "surviving graduations" and today I went through all the beautiful photos I took yesterday and realized…Holy Crap…I am a TERRIBLE photographer! Why and How? Well, apparently for most ceremony I thought this one kid was my brother but APPARENTLY it wasn’t. I have about 100 pictures of a complete stranger whom from afar looked completely like my brother…Then the one picture I actually have of Silvio...it is blurry as can be... Needless to say Silvio is ready to strangle me! Not my fault however because the camera was just awful and that kid could have been him…but it wasn’t…damn doppelgangers

Anyway yesterday I made a list dedicated to how the one graduating can survive the ceremony…so today I am doing the vice versa…

So Here is a quick list of

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING A SPECTATOR AT A GRADUATION!:

1)      Whether you are a family member, good friend, significant other, or something else important know that at SOME POINT your darling graduate will look up to find you in the crowd…and this will happen at the worst point in time

a.       for example: Your graduate will look up at you just as you are looking the most disinterested, leaving for the bathroom, bored, or have the “get the hell out of the joint” look…this will in turn break their spirits

2)      The “time space continuum” goes to hell during a graduation…after a short time it will seem as if time will slow down…and believe me, no matter How proud you are of your graduate…you will begin to check your watch more and more…in fact, the more proud you are the slower time will go.

3)      Something I fell prey to…MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A WORKING CAMERA!...During the ceremony the camera would take picture not when I wanted to…but during the most inconvenient of times. I have so many pictures of the man’s bald spot who sat in front of me. I feel like I gave him a sun burn from the flash…

4)      Graduations have long speeches and a lot of sitting. While that is all well and good, you will be bored for the entire ceremony, excluding the 10 seconds that your loved one is on stage

5)      Make sure you take pictures of the right kid…

6)      You will begin to hallucinate during the names…you will laugh at some of the names…and you WILL hate the parents that sound like they named their kids after vegetables or strippers

7)      I repeat…MAKE SURE YOU TAKE PICTURES OF THE RIGHT KID!

8)      You will be surprised how many kids have “awkward” names…

9)      BRING A SNACK! It helps…

10)  Lastly, when taking photos with the graduate…pride can totally register as some SERIOUS “murder eyes” in photos

.... look how proud I am of you...muahahaha...

Anyway, tomorrow I have another Silvio event!! I am feeling way better!! My Sack filled with medications is totally working!! I should be able to celebrate thirsty Thursday with the way the meds are working!

Readers, I am getting some amazing private messages and feedback so thank you for that.

Some responses to questions from the crowd…

1)      Yes, I really do LOVE Russians…they are my second biggest subscribing country

2)      Yes, I really do LOVE drinking

3)      I know…I know…I have not done many “drinking stories” but they are coming

4)      Yes, I am a jerk…I have accepted this fact as true

5)      I know that my blog has not changed in anyway visually…but my friend Kayla and I are working on it…so hold your horses…

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!!

Read, Share, and Enjoy!

POST NUMERO 15: Aunt Oona, Congratulations Silvio and Surviving the Ceremony

This Post Seems long...but it is mostly empty space and pictures...enjoy!
Ok, firstly…although it happened a few days ago…Rest In Peace the Lovely Donna Summer (December 31, 1948 – May 17, 2012). You were an amazing talent and you will be missed greatly. Your music was incredibly upbeat, catchy, fun, and completely awesome.  You were the inspiration for many one person basement funky disco dance parties. Not to mention…if anyone does not remember the Family Matters episode where Donna Summer  plays “Aunt Oona from Altoona” I recommend you try and find it on YouTube or catch it online…she was hilarious and her character still makes me laugh! (Aunt Oona from Altoona…sigh…the perfect use for a fat suit)

Aunt Oona...from Altoona!

Secondly, I need to apologize readers…I know I have not posted in the longest time…it might be five days now…but my plummeting number of readers and people unsubscribing is punishment enough…but don’t worry I have good reasons for my absence so come back to me readers!

Firstly…holy crap, have I been sick with the weirdest-nothing-none-symptom-filled with symptoms type of illness…yes…I was sick…felt sick…body ached…fever…but nothing else. Then the cough came and I have not slept…and then I went to the doctor and the doctor started feeling my spleen and stuff and saying stuff about my spleen…and then I got bit…and my arms are injured and GOSH…long freaking story short…I have been sick! I am however on TONS of meds…a whole SACK load…and with this SACK OF MEDS I feel much better!

Thirdly, CONGRATULATIONS TO MY BROTHER SILVIO TORRE!!!!! Silvio Torre, not his real name, graduated with highest honors from Medical School and I announce it to you internet…DR. SILVIO TORRE will be THE BEST DOCTOR EVER!  So my life has been consumed with dedication and praise to him and it has left little time for typing up my rants. This dedication to my brother involves planning a party and buying a gift and trying to ration my clothes so he can look nice and I don’t look better then him at the graduation ceremonies (it happens sometimes…we have argued…he was tired of people wondering who was older so I kinda have to dress “younger” then him…it never works)

Fourthly, let me repeat…CONGRATS TO MY BROTHER DOCTOR SILVIO TORRE!!!!

AUGURI SILVIO!!!

AUGURI DOTTORE!!!

Fifthly, I have just been tired…I pass out at night midway though a post ranting about whatever.

Ok, so that is just the short list of reasons of why I have been a "jackass" and have not written on here in a relatively long time (especially after conveying time and time again the dedication that I would give to this site). However, rest assured readers, over the weekend I did not do much that is of any interest to write about…

Anyway, the Torre family never has parties (we stopped celebrating birthdays when I turned ten) or really goes out into public so planning something in an actual restaurant has been one of those “hellish Italian ordeal” type of things.  For example, last night my mother got an overwhelming sense of guilt that she was not cooking anything for graduation day and ended up making a practice pork roast…we then all ended up screaming about the practice/safety blanket pork roast...

I said I would pay for the party as a gift to my brother (this also means I get to keep the watch I bought for him originally…ehhhhh)

I really am sooooo amazed at my brother’s achievements…him and I are polar opposites while still being mirror images of each other. He was the “Sporty, Smart, Quiet, and Brilliant” one, and I was the “Conartist, Street Smart, and Quick Witted” one.  Ask around town and people still don’t know that there is actually two Torre boys...for years people thought we were the same person…

A few “normal” conversations when my brother and I are introduced to people:

Parents: Do you remember our sons Silvio and Matteo?

Parent’s Friend: WAIT, you have two sons?!?!

Or the ever classic,

Parents: This is our son Matteo…

Parent’s friend of about 10 years: Wait, who is Matteo?...I thought you had one son…

BUT THIS IS HIS WEEK (hooray)…and next week will be his week (hooray)…and probably the week after that (hooray)…but gotta love him…plus the coming days involve Costco cake!

Anyway, So while sitting through the graduation today I realized one of two things.

1)      I am going to go back to school and earn something important!!

2)      I want to give a awe inspiring speech to a group of teenagers or college kids at a graduation!

Two achievable goals that I am adding to the bucket list!

Alright, so the Torre Brothers have always had the woooorst graduation days ever. We have never had a beautiful day EVER for any of our graduations

So readers, I present to you the...::drum role::

Graduation Crap Day Score Card: 

>>>>Silvio’s Graduation Score Card:

• 5^th Grade Graduation- Sunny during the morning which gave hope, then thunder stormed with heavy rain
• 8^th Grade Graduation- Thunder stormed with a Bolt Lightening warning
• High School Graduation- Rained all day…stopped for half the ceremony…then continued when everyone put their guard down
• College Graduation- TROPICAL STORM/ HURRICANE…lights went out knocking out the Air Conditioning…ceremony had to be moved into an abandoned basement…streets flooded…water everywhere
• Medical School Graduation- Rain Rain everywhere…

Total score: 0/5

>>>>Matteo’s Graduation Score Card:

• 5^th Grade Graduation- Extreme Heat advisory, then it began to storm…so much lightning and thunder
• 8^th Grade Graduation- Extremely Hot and Extremely wet…it then became immensely dark and rained for 3 days
• High School Graduation- OMG this could be the best one yet, First it rained…and they began moving everyone from the outdoor ceremony into the indoor gym where they were not allowing the elderly due to EXTREME HEAT. Then it stopped raining and the ceremony was once again moved outdoors again…Then a bolt of lightning shorted out the sound system and no one knew what was going on and we had no mircophones…then as soon as they called my name to go up and get my diploma…IT BEGAN TO FUCKING RAIN AND HAIL!!! ALMOND SIZED HAIL! BOTH AT THE SAME TIME…IT RAINED and HAILED! IT “RAILED”!!
• College Graduation- Rain…Rain…Thunder…Lightening...Moist-ness

Total Score: 0/4

As you can see Mother Nature raised that bar high…however being that I am going back to school I have no high expectations for a any future Graduations.

Ok Last thing…Here are some Graduation Tips:

1)      No one looks good in the hat…

2)      Before Commencement and during the ceremony the tassley thing is worn on the right side of the hat, then flipped to the left…anyone that says otherwise is a Liar!

3)      It is perfectly acceptable to pretend to be a wizard…

4)      No one truly sees what is going on with your legs…the graduation gown is long…plan pants accordingly…ALSO it is like wearing a blanket…it will get hot…dress accordingly.

5)      Make friends with your neighbors. Having conversations and pointing out all the funny names you are bound to hear will make the experience more bearable.

6)      If you get your gown a day before or so…take pictures at home…make a mock set up…I kept losing my brother today in the sea of everyone wearing the same thing.

7)      Graduations have long speeches and a lot of walking. And while that is all well and good, you will be bored for the entire ceremony, excluding 10 seconds you are on stage.

8)      If you want to waste a good chunk of time, search for your family in the crowd. It’s like “Where’s Waldo”!

WELL BACK TO THE CELEBRATION!!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!!

POST NUMERO 14: "The Buzz By!"

So, 24 days left of school till summer break! I am crazy excited and the weather has already started to get hot during the mid afternoon. However, with all this damn rain it is like a sauna outside and regardless of how sick I have been lately, this humidity is not helping with sleeping.

So, last night I experienced what might have been and what might be one of the most horrific events in life…something I’d like to call…”The Buzz By”….dun dun dunnnnn….

What is the “The Buzz By”? Well, “The Buzz By” is when you lay down on your pillow for sleep…get all comfortable…start drifting off…and suddenly…WTF!!!, YOU HEAR A BUZZ PASS YOUR EAR!?!?!

To be more exact in the definition, it is when a Mosquito manages to get into your space and torture you by buzzing in your ear all night until you are forced to hunt it down like an angry freaking hippo. It is horrific! They make such a terrible high pitched noise and you know they are on a hunt for blood. This hunt could be taking place anywhere as you try and rationalize that maybe, “you imagined the noise” until it happens again!

GOSH…I shiver to even think of it…after I heard it…I quickly tossed aside my Snuggie and frantically searched myself and the room…I found it on my pillow…I am now scared for life!

This is what it was like:

I googled searched a bunch of terms in this post and was disgusted by the results...
so here is another puppy!

Here are only a few sensations that match the horror of “The Buzz By”:

1) The “Spider Web Walk In”: This one is common in the early spring into summer…when all the cute little silk worm bastards come out and leave silk strings hanging from everything and letting the unsuspecting public walk into them and then slap, flap, and flail to try and get them off. It is horrifying because the silk strings always manage to be completely invisible but produce an eerie hit in the face with an exploding octopus sensation.

2) The “Was that beauty mark there before I went into the woods effect?”: Simple…is it a tick…is it not a tick…did anyone or does anyone do the “Tick Check” when they come inside…I know I do!

3) The “I killed the bug…Shit, where did it go effect?!”: This one is great, you are confident you killed the bug…but when you look…it is gone. Sometimes the worst is when you think you killed it and it still runs or falls down and disappears into nowhere…except now it is seeking vengeance.

And one not having to do with Bugs

4) The “Banana Stare”: The “Banana Stare” is when you are trying to eat a banana in public without making eye contact with anyone. THEN SUDDENLY you end up making eye contact and it becomes…just…inappropriate…it is just freaking difficult to look away and act normal afterwards. In fact, readers, I challenge you…next time you eat a banana in public…make direct eye contact with someone and see how that goes over…I promise hilarity and awkwardness will ensue (maybe even a date, or a fist fight!)

ANYWAY, More blog posts to come…thank you for the private messages and love…Germany and Malaysia apparently do not love me anymore! Russia keep reading!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 13.1: Brothers racing

WOW, so I am going to try and pop in another blog entry for tonight (I owed one from the other night)…but I warn…it is not that interesting…

So, I have not been able to sleep the past few nights thanks to the extremely high fever…so instead of sleep I have developed an addiction to The Amazing Race… I feel like I want/need to apply to go on this show…I think my brother and I would be the perfect team…we would dominate the game being that together we make the perfect contestant. Our mentalities, personalities, evil, and sheer willingness to win in combination would make a force to be reckoned with. However, in honesty, we would be at each others throats the entire time. I am sure at one point we would be in an extremely entertaining fist fight happening in about 3 languages (including Torre-nian…the language of the Torre family). Now that I think about it, the fact of how my brother and I can’t even make it through a food shopping trip with out being at each others jugulars could be a detriment when racing around the world…love him to death…but at the same time...there would be blood…BUT DAMN would it be amazing TV…every second of screen time would just be an internet meme waiting to happen…

But I will tell you more about him in my family post that is going to take a while to type up in order to be only slightly offensive to my family.

SO, if any CBS executives…producers of The Amazing Race…Travelocity head honchos….I love the show…love Travelocity…have no fears, and ya know…I should be on The Amazing Race

Readers, I told you I would use this blog to try and become famous…

POST NUMERO 13: Shame and the Fetal Position

One of my many social quirks is that I have an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. Wait, let me rephrase…I don’t have a sense of shame but I do have an overwhelming sense of shame when others are experiencing shame (did that make sense). If someone says something for which they should be embarrassed I take it upon myself to feel their missing shame. Growing up, I couldn't watch awkward coming of age shows and movies. I could not stand around while crap went down. When someone was embarrassed it was as if the muscles in my extremities would start to suffer from shakiness and lock up...then BAM fetal position.

I felt the same way in class when some students would feel the need to go off the given topic into personal stories that are either too personal or have little to no relevance to the topic at hand. I mean, it is common to have normal conversation...stray away from the topic slightly...but when all of a sudden the person having conversation throws in something incredibly personal about leading a terrible life…it would make me cringe...then BAM fetal position...

For Example...in Math Class…

Me: I think that x=3
Student: He is wrong…x=4…and speaking of wrong, once I was snorting lines of an unknown substance off an underage prostitute while simultaneously running guns for a Colombian cartel group which led them to beating their wives and screaming at their children…then I drag raced haphazardly…

Me: I still think that x=3

In case anyone cares…the answer was 4…damn math

I don’t encourage people to share past transgressions because hearing your life makes my ears go numb and I don’t like feeling shame that is not mine. When someone decides to do that, my natural reaction is to feel embarrassed for them. I put my head in between my knees and rock back and forth until my someone taps me on the back and tells me it's over.

Ok…so…today was alright…thank for your private messages readers! I feel somewhat better and will probably be better in about a day or so (my uncontrollable fever crying has subsided). I could not take off from work which I am sure would have helped…I have drank so many liquids and none of them have been alcohol (I finally know what cranberry juice tastes like…with out the vodka)

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 12: Fever Sobbing

Ok, it may sound funny but within a span of about 4 hours during the night I came down with a hardcore flu. My body aches, my nose is stuffed, and I am sooo woozy...but...the true tell-tale sign that I am sick is that I cry at everything! My eyes just well up uncontrollably and half the time I don't even notice or know why...my mother keeps telling me "don't be sad" and I am not...but the fever has hit like a baseball to the face! STOP CRYING EYES!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY KAYLA!!!!
ALL THE BEST!
MUCH LOVE!

This is what I would have looked like at the bar...feverish and  crying

This is all you are getting tonight readers...I am crying all over the keyboard...this is ridiculous

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 11: Mother's Day and Falò success!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY READERS!!!! Ok so I am starting this post off with a thank you to ALL mothers…and the most important one ever…Mine!

So My mother is the best…she has taught me how to be strong, how to be caring, how to be a dreamer…she has never spoiled me and taught me to be dedicated in order to achieve my goals, she disciplined me to the core (wooden spoon…great for stirring a pot & a quick hit), and she is always there even when I least expect it.

How to explain my mother… in essence she may look like the epitome of an overbearing Italian mother…yet, she is SO MUCH more then meets the eye!

In her five foot five stature she is the most intimidating person most people have ever met. She one time made my Middle School Principal Cry. One day I will write more about her…But Happy Mother’s Day Mom…Love you! And To all the women in my life, I wish you all a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. I am honored by your presence in my life!

Ok…that brief moment of having a heart is over now…Love you Mamma! (I promise you readers that I have a whole post dedicated to describing my family coming up soon)

so...so...true....HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

The falò was freaking success!!!! However my beer had some crazy things going on with it (story to follow)…and In exciting drinking news…I managed to find the LAST cans of Jeremiah’s Weed with in the tritown area…this is not exageration…the man at the liquor store had to root through boxes of stuff in order to find the drink of summer! The perfect time in the woods…smell of fire…fancy spanish sausages cooked over a falò fire…amazing….and so fancy… There is just something to be said about a chill night with friends around a roaring someky fire.

Plus…friends with rum and sausgae….add a new level into everything

So I challenge you readers to have a chill night with friends…no going out…put a movie on…play a board game…put on a movie…

I sound like a shut in but in honesty I wayed the cost of everything and the fun I had and wow…it was hands down a win!

Ok so the beer I bought last night had various different label designs made by famous artists…mine read this…

“Don’t Forget you’re here forever”…
how creepy and awkward is that? I apologize for the lack of updates recently...been busy enjoying the weather!...I think I owe you readers about six posts for staying loyal!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

OH THANK YOU RUSSIA FOR BEING MY SECOND BIGGEST FOLLOWING COUNTRY!...thanks to google translate here is what I have to say to you:

Спасибо за чтение его!!!

ALSO! Happy Graduation to some amazing people...this goes out to Samantha R., Jackie C, and all those other friends whom are amazing!

POST NUMERO 10: "Summerglasses" and "Falò time"!

Ok, so wishes do come true! A few posts ago I wrote how I was “dying” for a Bonfire…and in a very rare occurrence, my wish has come true!

So tonight I am going to a friend's Bonfire…but in honesty I think this is the last time I will use that word…Bonfire…I would rather call it what I know it as…
I enjoy the word for Bonfire so Much better in Italian, falò!

Bonfire = falò

Bonfire = falò

Falò = Bonfire

Commit it to memory

The weather is looking amazing today and there is a breeze…so what am I going to do on this fine Saturday…well firstly I am going to blog (I promised three!), then after that I need to finish spring cleaning (or start), and finally rock out!
Sigh, Saturdays are amazing…

Anyway, I ran out to go food shop (liquor shop)  earlier and saw a friend while walking into the store. I was wearing my normal cloths and I found she was looking at me with mild amusement. My first thought was “Shit, my fly must be down”…but it wasn’t…and my jeans are so ripped that even if my fly was down…it wouldn’t even matter because my crotch is everywhere anyway. So I did what any normal human being would do and asked:

Me: “What the hell are you looking at?!”

 To which she replied back…
Her: “Your sunglass…Why are you wearing sunglasses when it is not summer?”

Ok I realized two things about this social interaction 1) I remembered why I never kept in touch with this girl and 2) in honesty…I felt more awkwarded out by this then if my zipper had been down.

I am a huge fan of sunglasses! Huuuge fan…I wear them all the time...
I even admit that… at times… I may wear sunglasses at night…I know readers you all just gasped and muttered the word “douchebag” underneath your breath in a disappointed sigh…but In my defense I am European!

Ok, so I may have said the words “I am European” before in this blog but Italians always wear sunglasses or have a pair handy. It is just a thing I am incredibly used to…but anyway…

THE POINT OF SUNGLASSES IS TO WEAR THEM WHEN IT IS SUNNY!...If they were made just for summer…they would be called “summerglasses”…it is in the name SUNglasses…glasses made for sun

Other examples of this “in the name” effect:

-Sunray : a RAY of SUN

-Matchbox: a BOX for MATCHES

-Earring: a RING for an EAR

-HappyHour: an HOUR for VODKA

Examples that don’t really work in the “in a name” effect:

-Horseradish :Radishes made from Horse

-Shuttlecock: An…um…Rooster made from…buses

-Crackpot: A pot of crack

I refuse to squint when it is sunny or when I am driving…and the one thing I can not stand is driving with the visor down…I leave my sunglasses on when I am outside and run in them when I go for jogs around town. They are Sunglasses!...I just can’t live without them.

My main pair of sunglasses are my RayBan classic aviators…I wear them almost everyday…my friends know them well. They have been one of those objects I have kept for years(8 years give or take)  because I love them so much. They are classic me. They have withheld the test of time and when I wear them I feel…for lack of better words…BadAss (I am probably not badass what-so-ever). So RayBan if you are looking for a dedicated fan…and maybe a product tester…cough cough…Matteo is here for you!

Another blog post coming up
Falò here I come!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 9: Laziness Pizza

Ok, so yesterday and the day before blogger was losing its damn mind and I could not post anything. Every time I tried to click on something in my blog a popup would tell me about an “error message” that I needed to “report”. I was however way to lazy to see if I could fix the problem and after 4 minutes of tinkering and reloading I gave up and drank, napped, skipped working out, made a red velvet cake, and then watched television. However in the back of my mind readers I felt a sharp little pang of guilt on not being able to provide some sort of post…so I drank a little bit more.

But in honesty I felt terribly unaccomplished…so tonight I am going to try and write something somewhat alright.
Ok, so the last few days have been hectic and my “summer fever” has hit hard. I have decided to start walking during my lunch breaks instead of my normal go into my car  and cry routine (this is a joke...or is it).  Today the weather was beautiful! So, while walking today I recalled the summer I worked as a pizza delivery boy…

Finding proof that humanity is losing its mind and becoming more of a horrible subject can be found in some of the simplest places in life. For example, I detested making pizza deliveries and learned numerous life lessons from the experience. Most of these lessons revolve around the people I had to encounter and some worthwhile and not so worthwhile experiences. Here is just a small list of all the realizations that came to me as I pounded the pavement:

1)      It is an incredibly exhausting experience that no one would make easier. Imagine delivering as having to constantly get in and out of the car with other people’s searing hot groceries. People would literally stand in the door way or watch me struggle to ring a door bell with hands filled with food and not help. Luckily for me I am flexible and have the capability to open door knobs with my feet and turn the knob with my pelvis

2)      It is NOT CHEAP to be a delivery boy! The jackass restaurant I worked in did not provide a car for its deliveries. ASSUME that the poor sap hand delivering food to your door is doing so in his own car and with his own gas money. This causes an obscene amount of cash loss and that measly two dollar tip on your pizza really does not make up for anything.

3)      THE CAR WILL REEK OF FOOD FOR LIFE! The overwhelming smell of hot food wafting from the containers is not pleasant what-so-ever. The smell of pizza may be mouthwatering in a large kitchen but imagine having to deliver 23 of them a night and the lingering smell that is left in the upholstered cabin of my car. Also being someone who has a natural tendency to become car sick these smells become a torture. Long after I left the job the aroma of pizza was stuck in my brain and I was unable to eat it for a year just out of pure disgust.

4)      People lose all sense of parental instincts if they are hungry. Not to stereotype or make a false percentage but probably more then half of delivery drivers are teenagers. I know for a fact that most parents don’t like their teenagers driving around at night in downpours, blizzards, or any other bad weather. Yet these same people have no qualms about having other teenage kids deliver their pizza in the freaking Apocalypse

5)      Tying in with the last one. If I actually make it to your house in horrible weather conditions please have the decency to invite me in to where I will not be trapped in the bad weather. I am not asking to be invited in to the bedroom (or am I) or to take a shower (or am I) but I risked my life to bring you food. So the least you can do is let me come in from the rain and stand in your foyer or duck into your door

6)      Ok, at night everything looks alike so please give some description into what your house looks like or some defining characteristic. Plus after 6’oclock at night you can no longer see numbers on houses so turn on the lights and make your house known. Common courtesy would state that I (even though a stranger) should not feel like I am walking into a bad horror movie because you are too caught up in NOT making dinner to hit a few switches.

7)      People are both lazy and heartless. One woman would order delivery for her family and she lived across the street. This is not even an exaggeration. Her driveway was directly across from the exit of the restaurant. On the other side of the spectrum some would live 30 minutes or more away from the restaurant and expect a quick and speedy delivery. Here is a rule mankind, if you live far…DON’T ORDER TAKE OUT OR FIND A CLOSER PLACE THAT HAS DELIVERY! If you don’t heed this advice then please tip better.

No Tip, then No telling her I accidently dropped two of these in the grass

So, This post gave me inspiration for a few more…I owe the public 3 more posts today so be on the look out!
CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 8: DOT DOT DOT

Happy Tequila Tuesday!

So, someone private messaged me to tell me I use “waaaay” to many “…” in my writing and it makes it seem like I am “out of breath” so he/she decided that it was annoying and I should stop with the “…”

So here is what I have to say to that:

Ok, thank you for the feed back…it’s just…so hard...so…what are the words I am trying to find?…you know…I am trying…sheesh…the words are so hard to find…readers, you know…I really like…using…the dot dot dot…it is just…I just love it so much…so…so…much…

^If you did not notice what I just did above, then obviously we could never be friends. Ok, so I openly admitted in my first post ever that I am basically a crap writer. I actually get anxiety when I post these things because I feel like nothing in my writing makes any sense. I really just do what is comfortable for me, which includes writing in the most casu-freakin-al way possible!

PLUS private messenger, How do you know I am not writing when I am breathless…in fact I always write these posts when I am sprinting on the treadmill or having an asthma attack…it gives me inspiration!! (and really firms up my Glutes)

So. Let me just say…

I like “…” a lot
I like exclamation points

I do not know how to spell
Grammar is not my forte

But I still keep typing!

however...

I would love to keep typing but can not the pollen count is so high that my eyes feel like they are going to fall out!

HAPPY NEWS HOWEVER! BIG CHANGES SHOULD BE HAPPENING TO THE BLOG SOON!! NEW LAYOUT! NEW PICTURES!!! WHYYYY YOU MAY ASK!?! Kayla is home...home for summer!!!


CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!! So, it may not have been the most interesting post...but I promise more are coming!

POST NUMERO 7: I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER

I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER

So one time I was drinking incredibly quickly brewed coffee in the teachers lounge at school. Not the best coffee of course, not my favorite Italian Espresso or something fancy…just a nice cup of coffee (caffeine in a Peanuts Mug). So, allow me to recreate the scene, Picture I am sitting there with my coffee cup, not saying or doing anything, just savoring the moment, thinking of my next blog post, and suddenly, the only other person in the room, a fellow employee looks up at me in what appears to be complete seriousness and goes:

Anonymous Coworker: “Looks like that coffee is a little bitter for you…you should add some salt to it…the salt will take away the bitterness...”

I was Baffled...

Ok, so let me dissect this comment…

1)      What the hell was I doing that made this coworker think I was "disliking" the coffee?…Was my body doing something it should not have been?…Was I making a face?

2)      What the hell kind of comment is that to break a silence? Usually, a conversation starts with “How are you today?” or “What is up?” and if a person is going down the random conversation route, make a general comment like “Looks like it might rain later” or “That copy machine is running louder then normal.”

3)      What the frick book were you reading that told you THAT tidbit of knowledge about putting “salt” in coffee…Was it a TV show you watched, or perhaps a morning news segment…

4)      If I as so much think about putting salt in my coffee it makes me a little sick to my stomach and angry

5)      Stop looking at me.

6)      SUGAR REMOVES BITTERNESS!!! AND IT IS COFFEE! COFFEE SHOULD HAVE SOME BITTERNESS TO IT!!!

7)      Stop looking at me.

8)      Was this some sort of insult…was she perhaps hitting one me? ehhh ehhh...

But in honesty…this was what I qaulify as one of those "low points" in social interactions. Was the silence that awful! Perhaps this coworker was holding onto that fact for years and she finally found the perfect moment, the perfect person to share it with, ME!. The comment opened up the Pandora’s Box of stale chit chat and for the rest of my break period I just kept saying hollow YEAAAHs! TOTALLYs! OH REALLYs?!  And WOWs!

Also to go back…What made her say that?…I was so self conscious after she said it and  I finished my coffee in a way that must have made it look like I was in a Folgers commercial. I was making sure that in no way was I registering the uncomfortable nature of what had just happened.

Trying to think if anything happened today…nothing much at all…I shaved my head last night! That might be exciting to some! Also I now have ads on my blog that make me feel important! Hope everyone had a great Manic Monday…it is almost Friday!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!
 

To all my New Folowers From Malaysia, Terima kasih!!

To all my New Followers from Russia, Привет!

To my Followers in the UK.  Thanks and the Olympics should be amazing!

Happy Nurses week to the Lovely Nurse Jackie C., Nurse Jordan M., Nurse Lontai and all the other nurses whom make the world a more safe and awesome place!

Nurses...they are awesome!

POST NUMERO 6.2: Self Done Haircuts and Bonfire Fever

I said I was going to do three...


SO with this that makes three for today!!

Do you have fire building skills? Because I am in the mood for a bonfire! It is way over due and about time for a nice warm night and an outdoor event…my blood is boiling for one. Sadly, it has been wet outside and even if the day is warm it seems to get rather brisk and slightly uncomfortable out by nighttime. The last time I went to an outdoorish “get together” was at my friend Joe’s house a few weeks back. It was a very nice evening with wine and a bonfire. I stayed outside for most the night because it was a beautiful night. Outside with me, around the fire, were two very good friends and we talked about, how German is a harsh yet awesome language, how Europeans are very touchy and hold onto people’s thighs when talking, and also how every church has a relic in their alter and it might be something like a nipple.

Good Memories…this is a crappy third post but I have only a few minutes to complete it and fill my 3 today goal!

WHAT ELSE! OH I HAD CEREAL AND GAVE MYSELF A HAIRCUT!...I usually do fine with self done haircuts but this time I went a little over board and have some very very short parts…but what ever…it will grow back…and I needed to cut my hair short for safety purposes
Sunday Funday was not that exciting this time around! New week tomorrow…

CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!

Oh on a “I have become obsessive” note…for some reason a large white space has decided to wedge itself in between post number 6.1 and 6…I am angered by this and it is causing me to go compulsive and try and fix it…however I am unsuccessful! DAMN YOU WHITE SPACE!!!

Post Numero 6.1: Dirty Piñatas and Being Nice at Work

NEWS OF THE DAY: I am going for three posts today to make up for the lack of them from the last few nights....I will wait till summer comes to be lazy and not post...

Firstly, I am not the hardest working person in the world…I believe that working excessively hard can kill a person…work leads to stress…stress leads to becoming unhealthy…being unhealthy leads to death…death leads to…um…well death.

easy terms:  work = death

I do enjoy working however....starting this new job has already put me into a very stressful daily grind. Doing the same thing over and over again, to a point where I'm really tired and questioning, "WHAT am I doing here?"

One thing that is bothering me is when people say things like…”Psh, you can’t complain…you have only worked here a month!” or “You can’t complain till you have worked here for 9 years!”

Comments like that are a HUGE pet peeve of mine. OH, I WILL COMPLAIN!  I WILL BE WITTY!  I WILL DISLIKE EVERYTHING!! And if I could…I WOULD KICK YOU IN THE FACE!!

So Readers, being that it is a new work week, look around your workplace and take some pity on the “new guy” at work…If anything you have had 9 years (or whatever) to get used to the job, to bitch and moan, and also to get to know everyone.

Secondly, yesterday was Cinco De Mayo (OLE!) and I went out briefly, drank “some” tequila (OLE!)  in a sombrero (OLE!), and then apparently came home and wrote a blog entry about “teeth jewelry” (OLE?) which now that I reread might be offensive to someone who actually does make accessories out of teeth…so if you are one of my good friends or a stranger and you DO make jewelry out of teeth…please never tell me…ever…I don’t even think it would be capable for me to gauge that amount of creepiness and I might just collapse from “Judgement Overload”. When I returned home from the traditional Cinco De Mayo celebration (OLE!) I got into a conversation with my friend Catalina/Kathleen about what we would put into our dream/dirty Piñata…a tradition I have actually experienced:

            Definition:

Dirty Piñata: noun: “plaything” consisting of a container filled with “toys”, and “candy”; suspended from a height for blindfolded adults to break with sticks and blunt objects. (the “ “ make it all the dirtier)

My Piñata would be filled with:

-"little" bottles of Tequila, and various other alcohol

-cigarettes 

-lighters

-gum 

-mints and other candy

-toothpaste and toothbrushes

-gummy bears

-glow sticks

-bubbles

-condoms

-bags of sunchips

-nutella, nutella, nutella, and more nutella

Careful, this piñata is filled with Strippers, Booze, and Bad Decisions

Leave me some messages about what you would put in your Piñata (whether dirty or clean)...would love to know...

Anyway it is Sunday, and Sunday for Matteo means two things…Church, and Honey Bunches of Oats! I am going for a goal of posting 3 things today! Tomorrow Kayla Comes BACK!!!!!!!!!! (so very excited for my cray-cray best friend to come home and also expect some epic changes to the blog because of her genius)
SALUTE! CHEERS! CHIN CHIN!!!

Side note:
Currently talking to my amazingly beautiful and talented British Friend and asked her for inspiration on what I should write about…this is the conversation:
Matteo: Be my inspiration! what should I write about today?

British: yay :D

Matteo: ermmmmm

British: a romance

Isn't she lovely! She is going to be famous someday! However, she obviously does not realize that I don’t have a romantic bone in me (remember from my “about me” post, I have as much game/love as a rain canceled baseball tournament)…I will tell you more about her also in later posts

POST NUMERO 6: Blogs about Teeth?!?!

It has been a very loooooong week….

So, I am trying to write a blog entry before I go to bed each night…and have failed twice… I usually start in the afternoon with some random and half assed ideas…but midway through I usually delete all of it and just start again on a different topic. I am slowly realizing it is not easy to write something every night and I want this blog to be entertaining and satisfying enough for anyone to stumble upon (a.k.a I don’t want my posts to be crap)…

However, It is all rather cathartic and I like this blogging concept so far...however... I look at some of the other blogs and go…wow…how does anyone find this interesting...

For example:

What kind of WIERDASS PERSON created the blog dedicated to turning and preserving your children’s baby teeth into “wearable” jewelry.

HOW HORRIFYING IS THAT!

The first step in the process (according to the blog) was, “Procure some teeth from your baby”…
I would love to meet a person who actually has done this…who has stolen the teeth from underneath the pillow and been like..

“Listen Johnny…the tooth fairy won’t be coming tonight because Mommy needs your teeth to complete her baby teeth necklace and matching bracelet”

Plus who is really wearing these things...if my future kids came to me with a necklace covered in teeth and wanted me to wear it I would start looking for "special doctors" and boarding schools right away. Plus, I know if I saw someone with human teeth on them as an accessory I would flip out...blech! Just gross. gross. gross....look how gross they are...

I image searched "teeth jewelry" and became so disgusted that instead of inflicting you with that horrible image here is a picture of a puppy....

Speaking of teeth…did anyone ever lose a tooth in a weird fashion…did any of you grow up with the “string and doorknob” method…teeth gross me out…

So the long week came to a much needed relaxing conclusion…going over to a good friend’s house to relax and get out of the house. The events of this past week brought me to the snapping point for many reasons (this job is making me rethink everything). I owe my friend a lot and a great deal of gratitude. I am promising a lot of “blog time” to them in future posts. Before I go into detail about them I have to ask if they want code names….

Plus, when I ask for “Vodka in a Glass” these friends actually know I am NOT kidding and to put “Vodka in a Glass”…or better yet they preface it with…”Should I just bring out the Bottle”…I am blessed to have them.

Quote of the Night for Friday:
AB: "Oh I just did an Essay on that!"

MT: "On, Giving Up??"

SO, readers (all 120 of you...and my 3 favorite readers from Germany) if my blog is turning into crap...tell me...and also give me some topics...Matteo Loves to Rant!!!

I will work harder on formulating some ideas (unlike this half assed entry dedicated to teeth)...CINCO DE MAYO BABY! Tequila is a formidable opponent for me...

SALUTE! CHEERS! CHIN CHIN! and...in honor of Cinco De Mayo...OLE!!!

POST NUMERO 5: pets and such!

So for my new job I need to know some general sign language... unfortunately I am useless to the kids as I only know the ASL signs for dog, cat, lunch, and lesbian...don't ask me why I know lesbian...I just do. I don't even really know the ASL alphabet...But today I had to Sign the words cat and dog so many times that I have had pets on the brain.

I have never had any real pets. I have however had some strange occurrences with animals. Growing up I always wanted a dog. Oh how I dreamed of having a dog to look after me and be my best friend. To have a dog to curl up with on the couch with and be a watchdog if bad people ever entered the house. How tremendous to spend a day with my best friend running around the park and playing fetch. I really do like dogs. 

Yet, I could never be a dog owner. I am in no way, shape, or form responsible enough to handle pets. It is a horrible trait. As I said in the about me section I dreamed of having a dog named “Basil” (like the herb). I wanted pets all my life and I would see people with their pets and be like, “sigh, I want that!” Then, what makes it better is the fact of how I would at one point have really taken any pet. Yet, once again I could never handle the responsibility.

Here are my feelings on different animals as pets

-Dog: adorable, my ideal pet, furry and fun

-Cat: Definitely not for me however to each there own. I do think some are adorable however. Unfortunately, when I get near them I might as well just have it lie on my face and scratch away. I am crazy allergic. Plus I feel with cats, some are just flat out evil.

-Gerbils/ Hamsters: rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat….rat.

-Snakes: YOU OUT OF YOU DAMN FREAKING MIND!!!!!!! It is a snake… have you never seen the Discovery Channel! I one time watched a snake swallow an entire alligator on a Nature Channel special. I freaking can’t even believe my ears when someone owns a snake. I mean come on! On the news one time, there was a story about how a man would sleep with his snake next to him and the snake would cuddle up with him and he thought it was adorable. Until one day the vet told him that the snake was cuddling up to him so the snake knew how much he would have to swallow whole.

-Birds: The jury is out on birds. I don’t dislike them, but I don’t like them to much either. I feel like I could not really be a “bird person”. In my opinion, I feel like you have to be a certain kind of person to own a bird or a parrot. Like a pirate, or a gypsy, or Shakira. They are however very beautiful.

-Lizards/ Frogs: not for me, huge reminder of High school biology dissections

-Fish: Gold are fine, anything else to me are hideous. Plus beta-fish…they are legit the psychos of the fishbowl world.

The pets I have had throughout my life have had a few common traits.

1)      Most my pets have been named after Italian Painters/ Ninja Turtles

2)      Those that have not been named after Italian Painters have either been named “Peter” or followed the following formula: “Type of Animal” + “y” (for example, “fish” + “y”= fishy)

3)      They have not lived long

So my life according to the few pets I owned…

At the age of five my mother came home with a goldfish. I forget what the thing was named (more then likely Peter). I loved that ONE day we had with that goldfish. Yes, you read it right little “Goldy” lasted only ONE day. You see, my family tried making an exotic display by putting Goldy in a washed out Carlo Rossi wine jug bottle. Along with some stones and shrubs and a decorative bow.. it was so very Martha Stewart approved.  However, my parents did not wash it out well enough and there must have been some residual wine in there because little Goldy began swimming all “willy-nilly” and bam!! Upside down. Little Goldy drank himself to death.

Goldy hit the bottle a little to hard...

I had a bunch of random wild turtles. Michelangelo, the one I really liked, would do things on command and he was very smart...so smart that my grandma took him to the flee market and sold him for a hefty sum.
One time a deer got caught in our batting cage...I am counting him as a pet because he lived and I named him...my 4 hour pet deer friend...
I did grow up on a farm however so we had chickens, sheep, and other livestock...but they do not count...

WELL...need to start thinking of my next few posts...tomorrow I am going to try sneak writing one at work...good luck to me and happy...
WINE WEDNESDAY!!
CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!!