POST NUMERO 35: They're Coming, and a Sex Playlist

Oh boy...starting off with a GIF... this can't be good...

If you recognize this...then you can also remember the voice he said it in...
hilarious...

They’re Coming…

They’re Coming…
They’re Coming…

A FRENZY of SEX and DEATH are coming…

Now don’t get all "freaky-deaky" excited on me everyone…because…

Holy Crap…the Cicadas are coming…

So If you don’t live in my part of the world you may not know that this spring/summer the Cicadas are coming back after a 17 year hibernation…in other words...

Seriously…I am not happy about this!...

Mother Nature gave us these armored demons a few summers ago and I still panic every time I see one

Hate them...hate them SO much...

And now I have to deal with these!

Terrible...Just Terrible...

I’m freaking pissed...

I think what is making me EXTRA pissed about this impending apocalypse is that it HAS to happen during the summer…The little bastards don't even emerge until the ground is warm and cozy and there is NO stopping it. Making it worse is that fact of how I have no summer plans except working. Which means that the one place I never stay for summer is the place that is going through one of the damn signs of the apocalypse! (Just my luck...just everyone's luck!)

I still remember 17 freaking years ago when the last swarm of cicadas came…I remember how in order to walk down my driveway (which is heavily covered and shaded by foliage) I had to wield a freaking tennis racquet and an open umbrella to swat the falling bastards away from me. It was not fun…getting the mail was a freaking horror show every time... I may or may not have cried...

AND NOW, they are coming back in swarms of billions...BILLIONS of bugs that have been feeding off of tree roots underground will suddenly appear ..might as well invest in a flame thrower this time around because it is not going to be pleasant...
Anyway...if you are not already repulsed enough...

To make matters worse these are go to be a new type of Cicadas...some sort of mega cicada...a "Magical" cicada!
“Magicicada” is apparently the type of Cicada that is arriving in the coming weeks...which is funny because I see the word “Magic” and think this:

ABBRACADDABRA!

Not this:

I could not stand to see another picture of a Cicada...
so here is a funny picture of two owls! No need to thank me!

So is there anything we can do as humans to stop this invasion…from what I have read, NOPE!, nothing. Short of, becoming a hermit and staying inside. However, I beg to disagree...I have a plan to end this FREAKING HELL FOR ALL (or at least speed along the process)!

So here is what I was thinking...I know...Pure genius coming up... make a "Cicada Love Mix"… huh?! WHAT?! Here is the plan, perhaps, with the help of some sexy music we can speed up the cicada's "cycle" (gross). The quicker they get their “chirp on” the faster they will leave (gross)!
Readers, I should have prefaced the last little segment with: If you did not know…that is why they are coming back…the sound you will be hearing is billions of bugs “having relations” (gross)…yes, that noise you will be hearing is the sound of REALLY LOUD locust sex (gross)…how horrifying is all this!

I am so grossed out right now that I don't know why I continue to write this...
ANYWAY, Cicada Love Mix...yadda yadda...If we can add in some tunes maybe we can…who knows...it helps most humans... (I am well aware that I am barely writing in fully functional sentences anymore.)

Anyway if you happen to pass my house..here is the mix I will be blasting into the woods... NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS BE WARNED!

Cicada Love and Die Song Mix

1)      Ignition (Remix) - R Kelly…or really anything else by R Kelly

2)      Let’s Get it On - Marvin Gaye

3)      Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground

4)      Push It- Salt n Pepa

5)      S&M- Rihanna

6)      Satisfaction - Benny Benassi

7)      Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk

8)      Tell Me - P Diddy Ft. Christina Aguilera

9)      Pony – Ginuwine

10)  Dirrty - Christina Aguilera

11)  Closer - Nine Inch Nails

12)  All the Love in the World - Nine Inch Nails

13)  Gimme More (featuring Amanda Blank) Remix - Britney Spears

14)  FutureSex/LoveSound - Justin Timberlake

15)  Sexy Bitch (featuring Akon) - David Guetta

16)  Satisfaction vs Go Girl (Mash Up) - Benny Benassi & Pitbull

17)  Shake - Ying Yang Twins

Anyway…this was all very strange…what will you be blasting into the woods?

And to make up for the inappropriate weirdness of this post…here is a picture of a puppy being adorable

HOORAY! Is all forgiven?!

More Posts Coming Soon

Read, Share, and Enjoy!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!

APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!!
HELP RAISE AWARENESS, and LIGHT IT UP BLUE

POST NUMERO 29: Halloween Mashups and Some fun with Michael Myers-Buble

Hello Readers!

So, someone shot me a compliment on the photo I made in my last post…it may not be "Kayla worthy" (she brings shit to a whole new level of awesome...) but at least I am learning the basics of Photoshop…Anyway I thought my photo was funny, so I decided to make a few more examples…

Anyway…Here are some more of my Halloween themed Techno Mashups…I mentioned them quickly in my last post “How to Survive Watching Scary Movies”…So, I thought I would be clever and make a few more examples of artistic genius…

If you are confused about WHAT a "Halloween Themed Mashup" is…here is the part from the “Surviving” post…

“ Here are some helpful tips for those who might not be able to handle the awesomeness of scary movies:

1)      Don’t Close your Eyes…Close your ears…in other words…plug your ears (don't cover your eyes)... believe it or not, music is about 60% of the scare. I don’t exactly use the complete plug because I still want to keep some dialogue or plot going, I rather quickly plug and unplug my ears rapidly in order to create scary movie techno remixes…it really does take away the scariness ..unless you have a fear of raves and dub-step. “

EVERYBODY SCREAM!!!...Ehhhh Sexy Lady...

Ha....Lady Gaga mashed with Some Voorhees....Lady Voorhees

Eat me baby one more time...

"Moves Like...Jigsaw...."

What WHHHHHAAAAT!....Only needed to Photoshop one of these people...yet both are scary as fuck...

Michael Myers Bublé 

Anyway...I think I am awesome...

More Post Coming Soon!!

Cheers, Salute, Chin Chin!!

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH IS HERE and NOW
DO SOMETHING TO HELP FIGHT THE FIGHT!

POST NUMERO 16: Hawaiian Friends, Surviving Graduation, and Murder eyes

Alright Readers I have HAPPY NEWS (at least for me…this really wont mean much for most of you) …I just figured out one of my best friends whom moved away to Hawaii is reading my blog! So the pressure is on to make these posts extra amazing from now on…So now that I know I am being read by one of my nearest and dearest…BRING IT ON!!!

I need to dedicate a few posts to her about our numerous adventures…dang nabbit will those blog posts be entertaining…like one time her and I…

Nah, I love her, but this is not one of those dedication posts…Only because If I started writing about her I would never stop. So for now I am just going to type one thing to her in order to send some good vibes

I LOVE and MISS YOU ROCKY (not her real name) !!!!

Anyway so yesterday I posted about "surviving graduations" and today I went through all the beautiful photos I took yesterday and realized…Holy Crap…I am a TERRIBLE photographer! Why and How? Well, apparently for most ceremony I thought this one kid was my brother but APPARENTLY it wasn’t. I have about 100 pictures of a complete stranger whom from afar looked completely like my brother…Then the one picture I actually have of Silvio...it is blurry as can be... Needless to say Silvio is ready to strangle me! Not my fault however because the camera was just awful and that kid could have been him…but it wasn’t…damn doppelgangers

Anyway yesterday I made a list dedicated to how the one graduating can survive the ceremony…so today I am doing the vice versa…

So Here is a quick list of

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING A SPECTATOR AT A GRADUATION!:

1)      Whether you are a family member, good friend, significant other, or something else important know that at SOME POINT your darling graduate will look up to find you in the crowd…and this will happen at the worst point in time

a.       for example: Your graduate will look up at you just as you are looking the most disinterested, leaving for the bathroom, bored, or have the “get the hell out of the joint” look…this will in turn break their spirits

2)      The “time space continuum” goes to hell during a graduation…after a short time it will seem as if time will slow down…and believe me, no matter How proud you are of your graduate…you will begin to check your watch more and more…in fact, the more proud you are the slower time will go.

3)      Something I fell prey to…MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A WORKING CAMERA!...During the ceremony the camera would take picture not when I wanted to…but during the most inconvenient of times. I have so many pictures of the man’s bald spot who sat in front of me. I feel like I gave him a sun burn from the flash…

4)      Graduations have long speeches and a lot of sitting. While that is all well and good, you will be bored for the entire ceremony, excluding the 10 seconds that your loved one is on stage

5)      Make sure you take pictures of the right kid…

6)      You will begin to hallucinate during the names…you will laugh at some of the names…and you WILL hate the parents that sound like they named their kids after vegetables or strippers

7)      I repeat…MAKE SURE YOU TAKE PICTURES OF THE RIGHT KID!

8)      You will be surprised how many kids have “awkward” names…

9)      BRING A SNACK! It helps…

10)  Lastly, when taking photos with the graduate…pride can totally register as some SERIOUS “murder eyes” in photos

.... look how proud I am of you...muahahaha...

Anyway, tomorrow I have another Silvio event!! I am feeling way better!! My Sack filled with medications is totally working!! I should be able to celebrate thirsty Thursday with the way the meds are working!

Readers, I am getting some amazing private messages and feedback so thank you for that.

Some responses to questions from the crowd…

1)      Yes, I really do LOVE Russians…they are my second biggest subscribing country

2)      Yes, I really do LOVE drinking

3)      I know…I know…I have not done many “drinking stories” but they are coming

4)      Yes, I am a jerk…I have accepted this fact as true

5)      I know that my blog has not changed in anyway visually…but my friend Kayla and I are working on it…so hold your horses…

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!!

Read, Share, and Enjoy!