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| If you recognize this...then you can also remember the voice he said it in... hilarious... |
They’re Coming…
They’re Coming…
They’re Coming…
They’re Coming…
A FRENZY of SEX and DEATH are coming…
Now don’t get all "freaky-deaky" excited on me everyone…because…
Holy Crap…the Cicadas are coming…
So If you don’t live in my part of the world you may not
know that this spring/summer the Cicadas are coming back after a 17 year
hibernation…in other words...
Seriously…I am not happy about this!...
Mother Nature gave us these armored demons a few summers ago and I still panic every time I see one
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| Hate them...hate them SO much... |
And now I have to deal with these!
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| Terrible...Just Terrible... |
I’m freaking pissed...
I think what is making me EXTRA pissed about this impending apocalypse
is that it HAS to happen during the summer…The little bastards don't even emerge until the ground is warm and cozy and there is NO stopping it. Making it worse is that fact of how I have no summer plans except working. Which means that the one place I never stay for summer is the place that is going through
one of the damn signs of the apocalypse! (Just my luck...just everyone's luck!)
I still remember 17 freaking years ago when the last swarm of
cicadas came…I remember how in order to walk down my driveway (which is heavily
covered and shaded by foliage) I had to wield a freaking tennis racquet and an
open umbrella to swat the falling bastards away from me. It was not fun…getting
the mail was a freaking horror show every time... I may or may not have cried...
AND NOW, they are coming back in swarms of billions...BILLIONS of bugs that have been feeding off of tree roots
underground will suddenly appear ..might as well invest in a flame thrower this time around because it is not going to be pleasant...
Anyway...if you are not already repulsed enough...
Anyway...if you are not already repulsed enough...
To make matters worse these are go to be a new type of Cicadas...some sort of mega cicada...a "Magical" cicada!
“Magicicada” is apparently the type of Cicada that is arriving in the coming weeks...which is funny because I see the word “Magic” and think this:
“Magicicada” is apparently the type of Cicada that is arriving in the coming weeks...which is funny because I see the word “Magic” and think this:
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| ABBRACADDABRA! |
Not this:
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| I could not stand to see another picture of a Cicada... so here is a funny picture of two owls! No need to thank me! |
So is there anything we can do as humans to stop this
invasion…from what I have read, NOPE!, nothing. Short of, becoming a hermit
and staying inside. However, I beg to disagree...I have a plan to end this FREAKING HELL FOR ALL (or at least speed along the process)!
So here is what I was thinking...I know...Pure genius coming up... make a "Cicada Love Mix"… huh?! WHAT?! Here is the plan, perhaps, with the help of some sexy music we can speed up the cicada's "cycle" (gross). The quicker they get their “chirp on” the faster they will leave (gross)!
Readers, I should have prefaced the last little segment with: If you did not know…that is why they are coming back…the sound you will be hearing is billions of bugs “having relations” (gross)…yes, that noise you will be hearing is the sound of REALLY LOUD locust sex (gross)…how horrifying is all this!
So here is what I was thinking...I know...Pure genius coming up... make a "Cicada Love Mix"… huh?! WHAT?! Here is the plan, perhaps, with the help of some sexy music we can speed up the cicada's "cycle" (gross). The quicker they get their “chirp on” the faster they will leave (gross)!
Readers, I should have prefaced the last little segment with: If you did not know…that is why they are coming back…the sound you will be hearing is billions of bugs “having relations” (gross)…yes, that noise you will be hearing is the sound of REALLY LOUD locust sex (gross)…how horrifying is all this!
I am so grossed out right now that I don't know why I continue to write this...
ANYWAY, Cicada Love Mix...yadda yadda...If we can add in some tunes maybe we can…who knows...it helps most humans... (I am well aware that I am barely writing in fully functional sentences anymore.)
Anyway if you happen to pass my house..here is the mix I will be blasting into the woods... NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS BE WARNED!
Cicada Love and Die Song Mix
1) Ignition
(Remix) - R Kelly…or really anything else by R Kelly
2) Let’s
Get it On - Marvin Gaye
3) Sex
and Candy - Marcy Playground
4) Push
It- Salt n Pepa
5) S&M-
Rihanna
6) Satisfaction
- Benny Benassi
7) Harder
Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
8) Tell
Me - P Diddy Ft. Christina Aguilera
9) Pony
– Ginuwine
10) Dirrty - Christina
Aguilera
11) Closer - Nine
Inch Nails
12) All the
Love in the World - Nine Inch Nails
13) Gimme More
(featuring Amanda Blank) Remix - Britney Spears
14) FutureSex/LoveSound
- Justin Timberlake
15) Sexy Bitch
(featuring Akon) - David Guetta
16) Satisfaction
vs Go Girl (Mash Up) - Benny Benassi & Pitbull
17) Shake -
Ying Yang Twins
Anyway…this was all very strange…what will you be blasting into the woods?
And to make up for the inappropriate weirdness of this post…here
is a picture of a puppy being adorable
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| HOORAY! Is all forgiven?! |
More Posts
Coming Soon
Read, Share,
and Enjoy!
CHEERS, SALUTE,
CHIN CHIN!!
APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!!
HELP RAISE AWARENESS, and LIGHT IT UP BLUE
APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!!
HELP RAISE AWARENESS, and LIGHT IT UP BLUE
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