POST NUMERO 31.2: Whoops, Black Out advice

WOW! I forgot a huge thing from my last crappy post!

I forgot to add one more AMAZING way of surviving a black out...in fact this might be one of the most positive and beneficial survival tips:

RED WINE DOES NOT NEED TO BE REFRIGERATED

Yes, that is right...when bad weather hits...and everything in the refrigerator starts to head south...just remember that most liquor never really goes bad...and most does not require refrigeration!
So next time bad weather is on its way...stock up!

It's a good thing...

Blacking out does have numerous meanings after all!

More Posts Coming Soon

Calendar Post Coming Soon

HOLIDAYS COMING SOON!!!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!

POST NUMERO 25: Olympics part one, and I am back but my computer is crap

This one is going to be quick and painless...

Holy Crap, I have done it again…I have managed to completely and totally neglect my responsibility to write for my adoring (and increasingly angry) fans. Why have I been missing in action…well firstly I am a lazy ass ( I am sure you are aware of this as I type it everytime I am missing for a period of time)…I really am…most times I literally wake up in the morning or get an idea so quickly that I run to my computer and I get all excited but by the time my comp boots up I end up giving up, checking my email, and surfing google aimlessly

I am going to blame a lot of my absence on the fact of how my crap computer is completely and totally incapable of performing tasks…and let me break it down for you

1) My computer takes forever to boot up…it is SLOW…everytime I turn it on it takes about three attempts to start a full boot and then when it does boot up it takes forever to actually allow me to click on ANYTHING…so when I am ready to finally type…the moment and inspiration are gone.

2) My computer is missing keys and a lot of the keys do not work… when I am saying missing keys I am not talking about useless keys that have never been pressed on ANY computer (I.E. "scroll lock" and "~")…I am talking…and I hate to admit this…and it may blow most your minds…the space key on my computer does not work! YES in order to type out this brilliance I have to paste in every single space. YES, LET ME REPEAT,  EVERYTIME YOU SEE A SPACE…I HIT “CTRL + V” AND PASTE IN A SPACE…It has taken the fun out of writing and unless I start making some bank off this blog, get a generous donation, or find a wonderful way to become famous and make money... I am stuck with this computer.

In related news, my computer’s “5 key” and “N key” do not work, so anytime you see an “n” or a “5” it is also copied and pasted…

In other words….THIS COMPUTER HAS BEEN A COMPLETE AND TOTAL NIGHTMARE

SO, if I was typing straight out with out using copy and paste it would look something like this (allow me to use a verse from 12 days of christmas)

 “ OthethdayofChristmas,
Mytruelovegavetome,
GoldeRigs,
4CalligBirds,
3Frech Hes,
2TurtleDoves,
AdaPartridgeiaPearTree  “

I am seriously losing my mind with all these missing and broken keys…so my head has not been completely into the typing lately…

Also my computer has become the family computer because our other computer broke (yes that is right...this computer is the GOOD computer). With four people sharing one computer I have not had much time to sit and contemplate blog posts.

Secondly, lots of tradegy and crap has fallen upon the house of Torre…I promised this would not be a gloom and doom type of blog so I will keep the details to myself but just know that the Torre Family (whoever we might be) could use a ton of prayer right now. ANYWAY...

Thirdly, HOLY CRAP THE OLYMPICS HAVE TAKEN A HOLD OF ME!!!! I have been so engrossed with it that I can not stop watching…no matter what the sport... I have been glued to the tv set. I think I said in the first post I ever made that “world sporting events” such as the Olympics, and the World Cup are my favorite things to watch. I love the idea of countries competing and already having the best of the best athletes being showcased. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! (this came out in a demon like voice).
Anyway, the games showcase so much talent...talents that I will never have... so I enjoy living through the fantasies saying HEY I could TOTALLY do that! Here are my other top reasons of why I enjoy the Olympics...

1)      The “IT IS ALL ABOUT THE COUNTRY” aspect…think about it…the athletes are not just competeing for themselves they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. It is amazing watching the athletes stand on the podium and sing the national anthem of their country as EVERYONE tears up. It doesn’t matter if maybe you don’t like the athlete but you sure as hell like your country!

2)      The Opening Ceremonies, and seeing countries go ALL OUT in ringing in the beginning of the Olympic games. It’s always fun to see all the athletes marching in …waving their country’s flag… pretending people actually know ANYTHING about their count. I mean come on, you learn so much geography as you go through the parade of nations…usually this geography lesson happens when you stumble upon the country with all consonets in its name and you scream out.. ”WAIT, THAT IS A COUNTRY!?!” or “ WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”

NOW ENTERING....FTNTBSKWNDL!!....

3)      Ok, everyone is just so damn good looking…even the “bad looking” ones are still highly attractive or redeemable…you do not become an olympian with out some sort of physical activity to keep you fit. In honesty however, those who might not be high up on the attractive scale could easily snap someone in two, shoot you, filet you with a sword, or pong you to death…so I will challenge anyone to tell them, “hey, you are not that good looking!”  I mean example… OW OW!

yeeeeeeeeahhhhh....

4)      CHEERING!...everyone cheers…cheer on your team, and everyone, no matter what, has someone to cheer for!!!!

So many more reasons…I just get overwhelmed even typing them…I will put up more…when I am not so EXCITED!!!!!!!

ANYWAY...hmmmm what to type...let me type...

What else have I been doing...OH...interviews...trying to find my dream job! I just am trying to get it done...this whole work crap thing! Blech...

I will be back soon...
In  a little bit...I am going to write my "IT IS AUGUST!!!" post...although I am hating it because that means here comes work again...

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!
welcome August!

POST NUMERO 17: Party Success, and Dancing Time Challenge

THIS JUST IN!! The Torre family has finally, FINALLY pulled off a successful party! A party with real people other then the four main “Torre”s!! A party at a REAL restaurant and not in our house!! A FREAKING REAL PARTY, WITH REAL FOOD, and REAL PEOPLE!!!! IT IS A WINE WENESDAY MIRACLE!!!

This is such a success for the Torre family!! On the ride home from the party we actually talked about what a success it was! For once we did not need to use the word failure during a car ride!

HOOORAY!!!!

With the excitement of this success, the numerous graduations, and with it being Wine Wednesday…my random thought filter has been removed and I have been on full blast all day. So, tonight I bring you a random topic such as this…

I realized while standing at the party that I tend to dance a lot. In fact I dance all the time…no matter if there is music or not…no matter if it is appropriate or not…I just kind of move and wiggle around (wow, wiggle is a terrible word…stop reading for a moment and say it a few times…wig-gle, wigglle, wig-gle, wi-gull, wee-gle). One problem with my dancing is that I have zero rhythm and at times I can’t control the lower half of my body…aka “crazy hips syndrome”. Yet, somehow in my lack of rhythm I have found and created a few main moves that when done in a certain order make it look like I could have the possibility of being a freaking amazingly talented dancer (not really, but I am allowed to exaggerate).

Here are a few of the moves with clear (not really) and step by step directions (not even close to step by step)

Move Number 1: “Ship-hips”

Ok this move consists of isolating the hips and just moving them back and forth…back and forth…back and forth… Like a ship on water rocking back and forth…to illustrate for you readers, picture this, move the lower half of your body (from waist down) as if you were trying to remove your pants with out using your hands and by just wiggling and gyrating the lower half of your body.

Move Number 2: “Invisible Hula Hoop”

Go hula hooping…practice how to keep the hula hoop up…then remove hula hoop…continue hula hooping with imaginary hula hoop…BAM…welcome to the dance move known as “Invisible Hula Hoop” …feels good right…

DISCLAIMER: Now I warn you…these two  moves (Ship-Hips and the Invisible Hula Hoop) if done improperly can make the dancer go from 0 to 100 % “Slutty McSlutson” in seconds. Also, if not practiced people might think something is very wrong in your pants…Practice wisely and try not to pull anything.

Side note…I have been challenged before to a “hip off”…I win every time…in fact this amazing girl Amy from Britain (I have mentioned her before) used to challenge me to a “Whose Hips Move Better Contest”…I won every time…every time…I think the final scoreboard was :

[ Italy/Me: 290 ------ Britain/Amy: 0]

…I got Hips, impressive hips…(If Amy just read this I bet you she cursed loudly and screamed, “liar!”... however she has some wonderful hips as well...)

Anyway, Back to the dance moves!

Move Number 3: “The Unfunky Chicken”

Flap your arms like wings and turn in a slow circle while thrusting in random directions…the unfunky chicken surprisingly works with every type of music…this includes slow opera, folk singing, relaxing whale noises, monk chanting, and hardcore gospel music.

Move Number 4: “Organized Hand Flails”

Move you hands in various punching, sliding, flapping, clapping, and other diverse manners. However, make it look like you have done this move billions of times over and find a pattern…hence “organized hand flails”…Some Organized Hand Flails include but are not limited too the dreaded air punch, the double air punch, the face wash, the swim, the drown, and the ever important and impressive duel handed monkey wrench swing.

Move Number 5: “Invisible Bongos”

Invisible bongos…pretend you have 9-10 invisible bongos in front of you…visualize them all…some can be magical floating bongos up in the air…others on the ground…when the time comes (and believe me you will feel the perfect moment in the music to bust this out) start playing your invisible bongos loud and proud while slapping the air in a fiery passion of dance fury…also add in the occasional thrusting…

Imagine the Bongos in this box...then play the crap out of them on the dance floor!

Ok, so those are some of the ones I can think of right now. I know I probably have more moves and will jot some down tomorrow as I go throughout my day…I challenge you all to try and work out some of these moves. Hit the dance floor, let down your hair, bust out some major ship hips, and invisible bongo the night away!

Anyway, This is a quick entry…lots of new subscribers from all over the world! Love to hear some feedback about anything and everything!

CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 5: pets and such!

So for my new job I need to know some general sign language... unfortunately I am useless to the kids as I only know the ASL signs for dog, cat, lunch, and lesbian...don't ask me why I know lesbian...I just do. I don't even really know the ASL alphabet...But today I had to Sign the words cat and dog so many times that I have had pets on the brain.

I have never had any real pets. I have however had some strange occurrences with animals. Growing up I always wanted a dog. Oh how I dreamed of having a dog to look after me and be my best friend. To have a dog to curl up with on the couch with and be a watchdog if bad people ever entered the house. How tremendous to spend a day with my best friend running around the park and playing fetch. I really do like dogs. 

Yet, I could never be a dog owner. I am in no way, shape, or form responsible enough to handle pets. It is a horrible trait. As I said in the about me section I dreamed of having a dog named “Basil” (like the herb). I wanted pets all my life and I would see people with their pets and be like, “sigh, I want that!” Then, what makes it better is the fact of how I would at one point have really taken any pet. Yet, once again I could never handle the responsibility.

Here are my feelings on different animals as pets

-Dog: adorable, my ideal pet, furry and fun

-Cat: Definitely not for me however to each there own. I do think some are adorable however. Unfortunately, when I get near them I might as well just have it lie on my face and scratch away. I am crazy allergic. Plus I feel with cats, some are just flat out evil.

-Gerbils/ Hamsters: rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat….rat.

-Snakes: YOU OUT OF YOU DAMN FREAKING MIND!!!!!!! It is a snake… have you never seen the Discovery Channel! I one time watched a snake swallow an entire alligator on a Nature Channel special. I freaking can’t even believe my ears when someone owns a snake. I mean come on! On the news one time, there was a story about how a man would sleep with his snake next to him and the snake would cuddle up with him and he thought it was adorable. Until one day the vet told him that the snake was cuddling up to him so the snake knew how much he would have to swallow whole.

-Birds: The jury is out on birds. I don’t dislike them, but I don’t like them to much either. I feel like I could not really be a “bird person”. In my opinion, I feel like you have to be a certain kind of person to own a bird or a parrot. Like a pirate, or a gypsy, or Shakira. They are however very beautiful.

-Lizards/ Frogs: not for me, huge reminder of High school biology dissections

-Fish: Gold are fine, anything else to me are hideous. Plus beta-fish…they are legit the psychos of the fishbowl world.

The pets I have had throughout my life have had a few common traits.

1)      Most my pets have been named after Italian Painters/ Ninja Turtles

2)      Those that have not been named after Italian Painters have either been named “Peter” or followed the following formula: “Type of Animal” + “y” (for example, “fish” + “y”= fishy)

3)      They have not lived long

So my life according to the few pets I owned…

At the age of five my mother came home with a goldfish. I forget what the thing was named (more then likely Peter). I loved that ONE day we had with that goldfish. Yes, you read it right little “Goldy” lasted only ONE day. You see, my family tried making an exotic display by putting Goldy in a washed out Carlo Rossi wine jug bottle. Along with some stones and shrubs and a decorative bow.. it was so very Martha Stewart approved.  However, my parents did not wash it out well enough and there must have been some residual wine in there because little Goldy began swimming all “willy-nilly” and bam!! Upside down. Little Goldy drank himself to death.

Goldy hit the bottle a little to hard...

I had a bunch of random wild turtles. Michelangelo, the one I really liked, would do things on command and he was very smart...so smart that my grandma took him to the flee market and sold him for a hefty sum.
One time a deer got caught in our batting cage...I am counting him as a pet because he lived and I named him...my 4 hour pet deer friend...
I did grow up on a farm however so we had chickens, sheep, and other livestock...but they do not count...

WELL...need to start thinking of my next few posts...tomorrow I am going to try sneak writing one at work...good luck to me and happy...
WINE WEDNESDAY!!
CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!!