POST NUMERO 42: Fall is Good, Bad, and Tastes like Pumpkin

NOT. EVEN. GOING. TO. APOLOGIZE! (for not writing...)

Welcome Back to Me…

Excuse this post if it makes little sense…I am writing it whilst having an argument with my Father…nothing big…but He wants to store the outside plants in my room during the colder months and I…well…I don’t really want that to happen so…no…

Guess what Readers…it’s the most beautiful time of the year…FALL IS HERE!

Sigh... got to love it…

Fall is the best and frankly if you disagree then you need to reassess your autumnal regimen… think about it…

There are pagan rituals to partake in…

Bon Fires/ Falò to be had…

Football to watch…

Fruits and gourds to be harvested…

Flannel to be Worn…

And of course, Seasonal Beverages to Sample… HURRAY "FALL-CAHOL"!!

Fall has something for everyone!

There something universally incomparable about the peaceful transition from summer to winter… So, that’s it folks…time to unpack the winter coat and switch to hot beverages because autumn has arrived!

 

Come on now...Moose and Color...Fall!!!

The weather…With the exception of the freak chill happening from time to time (or the past two years when those natural disasters happened (gulp) ), the weather is gorgeous. The leaves turn colors and the scenery matches.  If you happen to be the woodsy outdoorsy type, then there are limitless options for outdoor festivals, hiking and most anything else. If you are a sports fan, football season hits full swing, hockey season begins and the World Series drama unfolds… and if you are a couch potato fat ass like myself…then your imagination and wait is over as all the new television shows premiere and you say so long to Summer reruns (Welcome back American Horror Story and Walking Dead!)

So, are you excited? I’m excited! Fall means: pumpkins, alcohol, cozy clothes, red wine, savory foods, alcohol, gorgeous fall leaves, alcohol, crisp air, bad habits in the shade, and HALLOWEEN, and everything else that is amazing! I went out to indulge in a mental break and just wanted to cry tears of joy because summer was finally over and the air was brisk.

(Is anyone else freaked out by how happy I seem in this post…don’t worry I’m sure I will get creepy and hostile again…hey look…here I go…)

However…let me give some reasons why I hate fall…

Firstly…

Every single fucking thing that you eat is flavored like pumpkin or pumpkin themed. Now, don’t get me wrong, some pumpkin-flavored things are amazing and totally worth the love:

Pumpkin Pie? Cool.

Pumpkin Muffins? Cool.

Pumpkin Potato Chips? No.

Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts? Hellllll-to-the-no!

Pumpkin Spice Vodka…? I don’t know…I’m torn…It is vodka…so either way it’s good

But pumpkin spiced everything? You food producers have got to take a pumpkin-sized chill pill and keep some products safe from being pumpkinized…

Secondly 

I can not stand Pumpkin Spice Lattes...Seriously, Calm the Fuck Down you Pumpkin Spice Latte Freaks!! I just can’t handle it…it is not so much the drink…but more the bastardization of the pumpkin spiced latte that makes me want to take a sledgehammer to a pumpkin patch. Holding onto a Starbucks Generic “PSL” suddenly makes coffee seem like a new and exciting creation…Well Guess what kids…it’s coffee with cinnamon…Somewhere in the world thousands of individuals are uploading photos of steaming hot mugs of "PSL" to theirs Instagrams…and guess what folks.. that Pumpkin spiced latte looks like EVERY OTHER DAMN CUP OF COFFEE EVER MADE! (I’m going to write more about this in a moment…I sound damn crazy)

Thirdly 

I guess the biggest reason of why I can’t stand Fall (Jeeze, maybe I don’t like fall as much as I thought)… Fall comes with the idea that you wont see a breath of life in the world for another six months…after Fall comes the Winter…the Winter is cold and lifeless…wait…scratch that last statement…my biggest reason is that I hate Scarecrows and they seem to be everywhere during this damn seasons …stuffed bastards…spooky stuffed bastards!

Ok, So anyway…back to the “positive happy” Fall…

I really have been bogged down with work…nothing too exciting happening on the home front…
I am finally writing the second saga of the “Slut-o-ween” (I forgot what I called it last year)… so I’ll post that soon (I promise).

So, In Short Readers… Fall is Good, Bad, and Tastes like Pumpkin...

There are still 18 days left to realize and reconsider that Fall is a AMAZING season.  You have plenty of time to enjoy the foliage and gentle autumn breeze...  There's still time to meet friends at an outdoor patio somewhere to enjoy the last vestiges of sun until March.  Halloween is still more than two week away--more than enough time to get creative about a costume and figure out how to make it happen….

In short, there are still plenty of chances to except that Fall is the best and to enjoy it before winter arrives.

OH…anyway…I’m off for now…

Anyway, More Posts Coming Soon

Keep Emailing me your suggestions…

READ, SHARE, and ENJOY

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN! 

POST NUMERO 13: Shame and the Fetal Position

One of my many social quirks is that I have an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. Wait, let me rephrase…I don’t have a sense of shame but I do have an overwhelming sense of shame when others are experiencing shame (did that make sense). If someone says something for which they should be embarrassed I take it upon myself to feel their missing shame. Growing up, I couldn't watch awkward coming of age shows and movies. I could not stand around while crap went down. When someone was embarrassed it was as if the muscles in my extremities would start to suffer from shakiness and lock up...then BAM fetal position.

I felt the same way in class when some students would feel the need to go off the given topic into personal stories that are either too personal or have little to no relevance to the topic at hand. I mean, it is common to have normal conversation...stray away from the topic slightly...but when all of a sudden the person having conversation throws in something incredibly personal about leading a terrible life…it would make me cringe...then BAM fetal position...

For Example...in Math Class…

Me: I think that x=3
Student: He is wrong…x=4…and speaking of wrong, once I was snorting lines of an unknown substance off an underage prostitute while simultaneously running guns for a Colombian cartel group which led them to beating their wives and screaming at their children…then I drag raced haphazardly…

Me: I still think that x=3

In case anyone cares…the answer was 4…damn math

I don’t encourage people to share past transgressions because hearing your life makes my ears go numb and I don’t like feeling shame that is not mine. When someone decides to do that, my natural reaction is to feel embarrassed for them. I put my head in between my knees and rock back and forth until my someone taps me on the back and tells me it's over.

Ok…so…today was alright…thank for your private messages readers! I feel somewhat better and will probably be better in about a day or so (my uncontrollable fever crying has subsided). I could not take off from work which I am sure would have helped…I have drank so many liquids and none of them have been alcohol (I finally know what cranberry juice tastes like…with out the vodka)

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!

POST NUMERO 7: I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER

I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER

So one time I was drinking incredibly quickly brewed coffee in the teachers lounge at school. Not the best coffee of course, not my favorite Italian Espresso or something fancy…just a nice cup of coffee (caffeine in a Peanuts Mug). So, allow me to recreate the scene, Picture I am sitting there with my coffee cup, not saying or doing anything, just savoring the moment, thinking of my next blog post, and suddenly, the only other person in the room, a fellow employee looks up at me in what appears to be complete seriousness and goes:

Anonymous Coworker: “Looks like that coffee is a little bitter for you…you should add some salt to it…the salt will take away the bitterness...”

I was Baffled...

Ok, so let me dissect this comment…

1)      What the hell was I doing that made this coworker think I was "disliking" the coffee?…Was my body doing something it should not have been?…Was I making a face?

2)      What the hell kind of comment is that to break a silence? Usually, a conversation starts with “How are you today?” or “What is up?” and if a person is going down the random conversation route, make a general comment like “Looks like it might rain later” or “That copy machine is running louder then normal.”

3)      What the frick book were you reading that told you THAT tidbit of knowledge about putting “salt” in coffee…Was it a TV show you watched, or perhaps a morning news segment…

4)      If I as so much think about putting salt in my coffee it makes me a little sick to my stomach and angry

5)      Stop looking at me.

6)      SUGAR REMOVES BITTERNESS!!! AND IT IS COFFEE! COFFEE SHOULD HAVE SOME BITTERNESS TO IT!!!

7)      Stop looking at me.

8)      Was this some sort of insult…was she perhaps hitting one me? ehhh ehhh...

But in honesty…this was what I qaulify as one of those "low points" in social interactions. Was the silence that awful! Perhaps this coworker was holding onto that fact for years and she finally found the perfect moment, the perfect person to share it with, ME!. The comment opened up the Pandora’s Box of stale chit chat and for the rest of my break period I just kept saying hollow YEAAAHs! TOTALLYs! OH REALLYs?!  And WOWs!

Also to go back…What made her say that?…I was so self conscious after she said it and  I finished my coffee in a way that must have made it look like I was in a Folgers commercial. I was making sure that in no way was I registering the uncomfortable nature of what had just happened.

Trying to think if anything happened today…nothing much at all…I shaved my head last night! That might be exciting to some! Also I now have ads on my blog that make me feel important! Hope everyone had a great Manic Monday…it is almost Friday!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!
 

To all my New Folowers From Malaysia, Terima kasih!!

To all my New Followers from Russia, Привет!

To my Followers in the UK.  Thanks and the Olympics should be amazing!

Happy Nurses week to the Lovely Nurse Jackie C., Nurse Jordan M., Nurse Lontai and all the other nurses whom make the world a more safe and awesome place!

Nurses...they are awesome!