POST NUMERO 9: Laziness Pizza

Ok, so yesterday and the day before blogger was losing its damn mind and I could not post anything. Every time I tried to click on something in my blog a popup would tell me about an “error message” that I needed to “report”. I was however way to lazy to see if I could fix the problem and after 4 minutes of tinkering and reloading I gave up and drank, napped, skipped working out, made a red velvet cake, and then watched television. However in the back of my mind readers I felt a sharp little pang of guilt on not being able to provide some sort of post…so I drank a little bit more.

But in honesty I felt terribly unaccomplished…so tonight I am going to try and write something somewhat alright.
Ok, so the last few days have been hectic and my “summer fever” has hit hard. I have decided to start walking during my lunch breaks instead of my normal go into my car  and cry routine (this is a joke...or is it).  Today the weather was beautiful! So, while walking today I recalled the summer I worked as a pizza delivery boy…

Finding proof that humanity is losing its mind and becoming more of a horrible subject can be found in some of the simplest places in life. For example, I detested making pizza deliveries and learned numerous life lessons from the experience. Most of these lessons revolve around the people I had to encounter and some worthwhile and not so worthwhile experiences. Here is just a small list of all the realizations that came to me as I pounded the pavement:

1)      It is an incredibly exhausting experience that no one would make easier. Imagine delivering as having to constantly get in and out of the car with other people’s searing hot groceries. People would literally stand in the door way or watch me struggle to ring a door bell with hands filled with food and not help. Luckily for me I am flexible and have the capability to open door knobs with my feet and turn the knob with my pelvis

2)      It is NOT CHEAP to be a delivery boy! The jackass restaurant I worked in did not provide a car for its deliveries. ASSUME that the poor sap hand delivering food to your door is doing so in his own car and with his own gas money. This causes an obscene amount of cash loss and that measly two dollar tip on your pizza really does not make up for anything.

3)      THE CAR WILL REEK OF FOOD FOR LIFE! The overwhelming smell of hot food wafting from the containers is not pleasant what-so-ever. The smell of pizza may be mouthwatering in a large kitchen but imagine having to deliver 23 of them a night and the lingering smell that is left in the upholstered cabin of my car. Also being someone who has a natural tendency to become car sick these smells become a torture. Long after I left the job the aroma of pizza was stuck in my brain and I was unable to eat it for a year just out of pure disgust.

4)      People lose all sense of parental instincts if they are hungry. Not to stereotype or make a false percentage but probably more then half of delivery drivers are teenagers. I know for a fact that most parents don’t like their teenagers driving around at night in downpours, blizzards, or any other bad weather. Yet these same people have no qualms about having other teenage kids deliver their pizza in the freaking Apocalypse

5)      Tying in with the last one. If I actually make it to your house in horrible weather conditions please have the decency to invite me in to where I will not be trapped in the bad weather. I am not asking to be invited in to the bedroom (or am I) or to take a shower (or am I) but I risked my life to bring you food. So the least you can do is let me come in from the rain and stand in your foyer or duck into your door

6)      Ok, at night everything looks alike so please give some description into what your house looks like or some defining characteristic. Plus after 6’oclock at night you can no longer see numbers on houses so turn on the lights and make your house known. Common courtesy would state that I (even though a stranger) should not feel like I am walking into a bad horror movie because you are too caught up in NOT making dinner to hit a few switches.

7)      People are both lazy and heartless. One woman would order delivery for her family and she lived across the street. This is not even an exaggeration. Her driveway was directly across from the exit of the restaurant. On the other side of the spectrum some would live 30 minutes or more away from the restaurant and expect a quick and speedy delivery. Here is a rule mankind, if you live far…DON’T ORDER TAKE OUT OR FIND A CLOSER PLACE THAT HAS DELIVERY! If you don’t heed this advice then please tip better.

No Tip, then No telling her I accidently dropped two of these in the grass

So, This post gave me inspiration for a few more…I owe the public 3 more posts today so be on the look out!
CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!