POST NUMERO 28: Tips for WATCHING Scary Movies

Alright, So…It is October and I have been indulging in a guilty pleasure that I did not even know I had…watching horror movies…

Alright, That is my first Lie of this post…I LOVE horror movies…I find them stupid…I find them awesome, I find them entertaining, I find them ridiculous…I just really enjoy them…

I mean if it says anything about me…my two current favorite Television shows that I never miss are The Walking Dead, and American Horror Story…which both have a horror thing going for them…OR maybe I am just a freak…

Anyway…

I just really enjoy them…however, I have come to the realization that they are an acquired taste…Some people can not even manage to make it through the first five minutes of any film or anything traditionally “scary”…

Now I will also admit…sometimes the genre gets TOO INTENSE even for me…I will closes my eyes or plug my ears but mostly I try and make it through…My method revolves around turning a negative into a positive (HA!, because I am SUCH a positive person) I find a way to make what I am watching HILARIOUS (rather then bloody, hellish, and scary as fuck).

Here are some helpful tips for those who might not be able to handle the awesomeness of scary movies:

1)      Don’t Close your Eyes…Close your ears…in other words…plug your ears (don't cover your eyes)... believe it or not, music is about 60% of the scare. I don’t exactly use the complete plug because I still want to keep some dialogue or plot going, I rather quickly plug and unplug my ears rapidly in order to create scary movie techno remixes…it really does take away the scariness ..unless you have a fear of raves and dub-step.

everybody...SCREAM!

2)      Have lots of snacks…Eat your Fear…Also, limit your caffeine intake prior to watching a horror movie. You don’t want to be all jittery and hyped up while watching a scary movie it will heighten the jumpiness induced by the scary scenes… PLUS put a top on what you're drinking when you watch a horror movie. This will prevent you from spilling your drink and embarrassing yourself if you jump during a scary scene. Your lap, your friend’s lap, and everyone around you probably would not appreciate being covered in soda, water, or other drink (in my case, vodka).

3)      Make it a drinking game…so many possibilities…things are less scary when you are drunk…or at least when I am drunk…HA! In fact…make it “drink easy”, examples: drink every time someone screams, anytime there happens to be a random violin noise, and anytime someone uses a word with a vowel.

4)      If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black magic and practices, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion...well then, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING HORROR MOVIES ANYWAY!!…go to the fucking water park or something…or if you still have a hankering for watching a scary movie go over a friend’s house (if you have friends…you might just be the town pariah)!

5)      Pay attention to the moments you can relax…use them to your advantage…More then likely in scary movies crap does not go down during the day…it just doesn't when there is sun there is safety (or more safety)…Also if people are talking or giving key plot details nothing is going to be popping out…use these moments to make sure you are prepared for the next scare (I.E...make yourself more comfortable)…AND REMEMBER, SHIT HITS THE FAN AT THE END OF SCARY MOVIES so be prepared for the shock.

6)      We all have THAT friend who screams bloody murder, grabs, and flails when they get scared (you know who you are). Those people make other people scared thanks to their inability to not scream and act like a spastic mess. Stay far away from them. They're scarier than the movie. Put them in a corner with other screamers. It helps. It really does…

7)      Have the remote handy…for the fast forward option…I don’t like missing or stopping the film because that prolongs what could be a torturous bloody scare-a-thon…but fast forwarding shows what needs to be shown and also adds in a hilarious slapstick quality to it all.

8)      Find Hilarity in ALL…we all know the “Scary Movie Rules” and “Scary Movie Clichés”… Some of these movies are based completely on sheer stupidity and ridiculousness…so what may seem IMMENSELY scary can (when looked at in a different way) can be actually hilarious.

9)      Know that you are watching a damn scary movie…it is NOT supposed to be calm and relaxing…it is supposed to make you uneasy and have an adrenaline rush, so know that you are going to get scared… being prepared helps you NOT get caught off guard. I mean you wouldn't expect Jason to pop up behind someone holding a fluffy rabbit and the cutest damn puppy ever?

10)  Safety in numbers…watch with friends…it helps…and when you are all together feel free to chant, “it is only a movie, it is only a movie, it is only a movie…”

Anyway, I hope everyone is getting their freak on and HAPPY WEEKEND!  Use these rules the next time you pop on a scary movie…or maybe Bambi (this is a joke from a movie…I don’t remember which movie…but feel free to tell me which in an email).

Fall is progressing nicely and expect a few more posts coming up soon! I promise I am already working on a few posts for the upcoming week...HOPE everyone is finalizing their Halloween Plans

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