Showing posts with label sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sunday. Show all posts

Sunday, September 30, 2012

POST NUMERO 33.29: Bucket List #29


So with the fall bucket list happening I decided to add this to the list:


Readers, I will let you decided which one is "Nice Guy"
29) Find a ridiculous horse…name horse “Nice Guy”…enter him in a horse race…make sure he finishes last…Laugh at the irony of how “Nice Guy finished Last”




HAHAHAHAHAHA…I crack myself up…

More posts coming soon!
Keep sending me feed back and check your inbox for my responses
Cheers, Salute, Chin Chin!!!

POST NUMERO 33: Music Video Mode


HEY READERS!
So now that it is fall I have been enjoying taking my lunch breaks outside. The weather has been perfect (aka: not hot as hell or cold as fuck).  
So, where I work, my lunch break is 45 minutes long and is a nice chunk of time to just sit outside and relax. I go out onto the lawn of the school…aka the curb by my car…I take only the basics stuff which are my phone, my IPod, and my hostility (I bet half of you thought the word “vodka” would be on this list…but I AM a responsible adult sometimes…HA!) …

Anyway… the only way I can survive the daily onslaught of work is by shoving in ear buds and listening to songs that make me feel like a badass. Songs that convince me I am more powerful than the environment around me. I enjoy going off on my own because when dealing with the job I need to break away from people (especially those who kick, scream, and cry all the damn time)…So this time “away” is when I get into my “Music Video Mode”

Alright, I know readers…What the Hell is “Music Video Mode”?
Ok, “Music Video Mode” is the feeling you get when listening to music in a dramatic or inspirational setting that is reminiscent of something that could be filmed…in simple words…it feels like someone could film you and be like “wow” that looks cool… It is the sense that you get where something is dramatic and a sense of reality fades away. I get this feeling ("Music Video Mode") all the time because I have a wide selection of music that fits into numerous settings and my mind always wanders…plus I think someone has been filming me lately so…maybe I am in a music video…gulp…

Now “Music Video Mode” for me kicks in the most in two different instances:
1)      When I am running. I love “Music Video Mode” when I am running because it makes time pass by quickly and is a great distraction for when I am dying on the ground trying to breath (I am most definitely not the healthiest of people so listening to music also help past the time for the paramedic to arrive). Also “Music Video Mode” happens because I am a VERY dramatic runner. When I run, I act like a fool and air drum and jump over things and act like I am being all bad ass by running on park benches and swinging from tree branches. This also happens when I am walking or strutting my stuff haha…so it just feels very music video appropriate
2)      When I am chilling out with headphones outdoors (such as when I am on my lunch break)


This would be what my CD cover would look like...."Matteo...On a Park bench...At Night" 

Anyways how to have the “Music Video Mode” sensation:
1)      Find the right music and add it to a play list…MY play list has a bunch of CRAP songs on it…bad songs…good songs…great songs…but non-the-less all the songs are ones that I love to listen to. The use of the playlist adds in NO surprise song pop ups. Think of it like this…you don’t want to have to switch six songs in order to get into your groove and ruin the moment…
2)      Find a breeze…Alright it may sound stupid but trust me…the breeze just adds in classiness. Feel the breeze rush through your hair and look into it if you want added drama and intensity.
3)      Find THAT exact point between shade and sun…ya know…that point where the shade meets the sun…for example a leafy pasture or wooded area filled with deer and other cute rodent like creatures
4)      Play with your emotions…we all have crazy ass thoughts running through our minds...driving us crazy…we all have moments like this, right? Moments when we need a hot soundtrack to get us through a tough situation, or a happy one, or that feeling of being bored off your ass? Whatever it is, it calls for the right music to make it better. Think of it as a soundtrack for your life…so put that music on anddddd….
5)      LOOK OUT INTO THE DISTANCE…look out…not at anything…Just look out into the distance and squint…It does not matter if you are looking into the sun itself…let your corneas burn! In fact with the loss of vision and the fact of how your eyes will dry out so quickly from lack of blinking your sense of hearing will heighten bringing the music video experience to life.
6)      When in doubt…dance it out…Feel free to sway and clap and shake it down…

Anyway, just as a warning…you may look like a moron to everyone else around you…but enjoy the feeling!

SO…..
LAST DAY OF SEPTEMBER EVERYONE!!!
More Posts coming soon!
Holidays coming soon!
SUNDAY IS UPON US!!!

Church and Cereal

Cheers, Salute, Chin Chin!!!

Monday, September 17, 2012

POST NUMERO 30: Breathing, and Your Brain is Screwing You!


Alright, so I KNOW this has happened to everyone…don’t even lie readers because even if it has not…then be prepared…something horrible is about to happen…
I warn you readers…this post will make normal bodily functions feel awkward…immensely awkward…so Readers Beware

Ready:

Think about how you breath…is it slow?…is it loud?…does it make a slight whistle noise when you exhale?…Do you breath out of your mouth or your nose? How big of an inhale do you take?...Does you chest move up and down a lot, or a little?
I don’t know…but now that I have made you aware of your breathing…you can’t figure out how to get it out of your mind!
Some of you are now wondering why is your breathing “happening like that!”
Some of you might now be breathing harder or trying to slow the pace…
Some of you might just be holding your breath and panicking…
Or, some of you might do what I did…which is forget how to breath!
I am doing it right now! UGH, my mind has fallen victim to my own writing…
Alright, why am I writing about this…well, because yesterday at church I became completely aware of my breathing and I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!

No joke…I was horrified…sure I was probably just being crazy…but I just could not stop what I thought sounded like a mixture of a Vuvuzela and a Light Breeze…

Ok, now, stop thinking about your breathing (if you can)…inhale..exhale…calm…

I was so embarrassed during the mass...I just could not control the idea of “breathing normally”…My brain had went into overdrive to screw with me and then (from what I could remember) I began to pant like a dog…then I couldn’t remember how to breath at all…(which REALLY made matters COMPLETELY worse!)
Now that I know some of you can compare or relate…what else is comparable to the “Noticing your Breathing” awkwardness?…An awkwardness syndrome caused by our brain's ability to act independently with the sole purpose of messing/screwing/fucking with us…

So here are some other examples of Brain Treachery:

The moment when you realize how you actually walk. This one is difficult because many factors come into play and can be perceived as awkward while walking. Next time you stand up take notice of such factors as: Does your walk appear to others as a constant running pace?...Does it look like your hips are running away from the rest of your body? Do you walk on a tilt or perhaps parts of your body lag behind? Do you take tiny or big strides? Do you flail? Do you swing you legs like a puppet? Are you the person who accidentally matches the pace of whoever is walking with you or accidentally creates a new pace…It is very strange…but the next time you walk…suddenly (because of your mind and perhaps this blog post) you might become aware of what your legs are doing (I love my walk…my hips are everywhere…but then again…what else is new)

Another one of my favorite examples (and by favorite I mean…one of the top examples I am horrified of) is what does your “listening face” look like.  We all have a “paying attention” face…the one we slap on in class when we are trying to look interested. Yet, few know what their face looks like when they read or if one is just standing idle…does your mouth gape open…do you squint…do you look ridiculous… Think of it…the next time you stare off into space…what does you face look like when you don’t remember your face is there. I have witnessed my own idle face on accident…it was not a good look…picture a face consisting of an “open mouth, angry wide eyes, and a whole lot of eyebrow at varying hieghts” all while still having a complete blank expression.

I just…I don’t even know…Welcome to the Way the Brain gets back at you for all those thoughts and actions you think go by the wayside…

SCREWING YOU OVER ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME!!!

Anyway...just wanted to write something...
More Posts Coming Soon
Lots of feedback and emails I have to reply to!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

POST NUMERO 28:Going Back to Work and Fall Tips


Sometimes, like right now, I suddenly sit bolt upright, shake my head, and scream (in my own head)
WTF am I doing?!?
So as Summer 2012 finishes I realize I have accomplished little or nothing that I had planed…Zippo…nada…zilch…EPPERS!
But don’t worry…I know summer 2013 is fast approaching…along with Christmas…and new years…and DAMN IT this was a suck-tastic summer...

Anyway, I slightly enjoy this time of year because I get flashbacks to when I was younger. Back when a curly haired, innocent, adorable, and non-cynical Matteo used to hop and skip his way to school. Whose idea of “getting wild” was fighting trees during recess. Whom would drool over back to school items and could not wait to going crashing and crackling through lead piles. I really was cute back then…really really cute…but then I grew up and now…ehhhh…such is life…

So now that I am a grown up this time of year primarily means…::drum roll::
GOING BACK TO WORK!!!
And BACK TO WORK I GO!
But, Surely life is supposed to be more than just work?
I spent all summer dreading going back to teaching…however, now that it has started I have begun to get back into the rhythm of it all…why fight the inevitable…
Anyway here are a few Matteo tips to help transition back into the real world and out of summer mode…
1)      Declutter…as soon as Labor Day hits I make it a point to already have cleaned out my room and put away all stuff that rarely comes out during any other part of the year…this includes stuff such as Sun block, extra sunglasses, beach passes, baseball hats, and other “what-evers” that just might bring about that sudden summer mode.
2)      Hide your freaking beach gear…the second that Labor Day comes around I put away all the beach gear…I pack away the beach chairs, beach umbrella, and beach toys and put them all in the basement. I also put the beach towels and blankets back into the closet…With all of it hidden away there is no need to see them as I jet off to work in the mornings and torture my mind with dreaming that I could be lounging around on sand and surf…Out of Site…Out of Mind
3)      The dreaded but necessary switching of the clothing…once again this pains me to do as I organize my stuff and put away my summer clothing…I don’t put them far (just incase I feel like quitting life and running away to some island) but I just reorganize my closet so a pair of jeans is closer for the choosing over a pair of shorts and a pair of sneakers is easier to find then a pair of flip flops. It just makes life easier…plus if you are like me…you can still probably smell the beach and sun on MOST of your summer clothes so it is better to have them away then having them be a fragrant temptress ready to help you freeze your ass off.
4)      Start doing fall things…for example…I planted a pumpkin! (Little joys in life)
5)      Work starts…start working…
6)      School starts…start schooling…
7)      Start the PLEASANT autumn thoughts early: the cooler weather, the autumn colours and smells, the first fire in a fireplace on a crisp autumn evening, the craving for pumpkin soups and pies, the wind rustling through the thinning trees…It is not the brilliant sound of waves crashing or the amazing heat of summer…but autumn has wonderfully vivid moments that you can notice and ENJOY during the commute to work or just when taking a breather…
8)      Switch your drink…trade Corona for Fall Lager, then trade Vodka…with well, VODKA!! (vodka…the season defying drink)
9)      For those still in school and who work till mid afternoon…TRULY UTILIZE the thinning time between ending of school or work and sunset. As fall comes around in my neck of the United States it begins to get dark around 6ish…so for that short time in between I have been trying to go outdoor “hiking” or  “jogging” (I don’t know why I put those words in sketchy air quotes but my fingers did it with out my mind realizing…soooo…my subconscious must be trying to tell me something…)
10)  Stock up on cold medications, and refill ALL necessary sickness combating stuff…this just safeguards for when the day DOES begin to suddenly get colder at night and you get the sniffles
11)  DO SOMETHING SPONTANEOUS…(I repeat…I planted a pumpkin)…Just do something that you can look forward to after work…work sucks…everyone knows it…but in order to keep sane…plan a few nights out, do a game night, drink and eat…people take an awkward pause because they are all depressed about saying goodbye to summer and then well into fall they actually begin to utilize the season…well blah blah blah…just keep it interesting…and don’t take the break because of work. EVERYONE uses work as an excuse but just use it to heighten the fun at night…
12)  DON’T TALK ABOUT WORK UNLESS YOU ARE AT WORK…my policy when I get home is that “WHEN AT HOME…I DO NOT…IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE…TALK ABOUT WORK!!!” Why do I want to ruin my intro to fall by talking about the bastard that is work!...Just leave it out…and use any down time to just enjoy the moment
13)  Some people I have talked to have very awkward limitations on what traditions can be transferred from Summer into Fall…one of the biggest examples of this is I see people lugging in their BBQs while driving home from school…I think that a BBQ is a wonderful way of keeping calm during impending fall and as the work load commences…not everything has a very true start and finish point and a Hamburger is amazing no matter what…so keep BBQing!
14)  So I enjoy being outdoors…the air is just so crisp…but I also pride myself on being a couch potato…soooooo…find something to watch at night so it distracts you…most shows start the first or second week of September so pick something and go with it…it could be a returning show or something new…but it is just nice to find that series or show that you can turn on and rely on to pass time…(come on American Horror Story and come back on!). Some nights I enjoy just going with the flow and picking a show at random (especially if it is a drama it gives me something to think about on the ride to work…)
15)  NO IT IS NOT COLD…it is COLDER! What?! Ok so…as WEEK AGO it was 70…this week it is 65…some how though (and I suffer from it as well) we all think it is suddenly FREEZING outside! However, just bring some layers…it helps at work especially when air conditioners might still be set to max chill. Plus you might be cold because you did not follow tip number 3 and are still running around looking like a beach threw up on you.
16)  Don’t fall for the decoy HOT day…Mother Nature can totally be a bitch at times and make an upcoming day in the upcoming months a very believable scorching summer day…but don’t fall for it and be like YEAH IT FEELS LIKE JUNE! LET’S ALL CAR POOL DOWN TO THE BEACH DURING OUR LUNCH BREAKS! SUMMER IS HERE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! Because it is not…and it won’t be…and it will rather embarrassing and disappointing the next day when you are known as the, “Person who freaked out because of warmth”

I don’t know…I want to give more tips but (aside from sheer lazyness)…basically…even though work has started and summer has came to a close…keep up spirits everyone! Do not make the awkward “womp womp” sad pause and rather just jump in with both feet…anyway…more posts coming soon…now that it is fall I am going to try and write more (what a hollow promise...damn it!)

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

POST NUMERO 21: How to Get in Line


SUNDAY FUNDAY!

Hello Readers!
So it is Sunday, and if you have not realized from my past posts, that means Church and Cereal!!!

Ok so, today my day started off in a bright way with going to church and then (without realizing) the church was holding a reception afterwards!...I love church…but church followed by food I love even better! Anyway, there was a reception after the mass for an induction of a new deacon and this reception consisted of a light lunch of numerous different sandwiches and refreshments. The place was PACKED to capacity and it was amazing to see how people were lined up well into the parking lot to fill their plates with various pasta salads, sandwiches, and mini quiches. I repeat, the place was packed!

However, no worries, I am a professional when it comes to being able to weave in an out of places in order to get something (In this case food). No way in hell was I skipping out on shrimp salad sandwiches and turkey wraps!! So I had to play dirty, I am so freaking good, that by the time people had even realized…I was walking away confidently with a plate full of food avoiding and ignoring the line behind me. How? Well let me tell you… here is some of my golden hints (insert some angelic music/noise)
Mind you these tips go for a lot of events where there are lines, serve yourself buffet events, free stuff giveaways, or if you need to just cut in line for something.

I am going to speak in terms of a event such as the one above where I was waiting in line (or at least supposed to be) for food. These are important to guarantee you get to the good food before it all runs out (in other words…these tips can get you the steak as opposed to the vegetable platter)

yum...vegetable platter...same thing as steak....kind of...

1)      Just freaking cut in line: This one is self explanatory, just do it! Most people won't question it or are too focused on what they want from the table to even notice
2)      Pretend you know or are related to someone in line…all it takes is a simple conversation or a “OMG I have not seen you in ages” comment to make it all work…Here are a few examples of comments to use to ease into a line
-“Hello!, wow you look amazing…how have you been?”
-“Hi, how are your parents doing?”
-“WOW,  I have not seen you since “that time”…remember…wow it was so much fun”
      Basically, If you confuse the hell out of them it works in your favor and you gain enough time to grab as much food as you can and everyone ends up blaming your “new friend” for letting you break into the line
3)      Don’t waste freaking time…don’t do it…don’t talk to anyone…ignore everyone…walk in and get right in line…cut done on time to get farther in line. This should guarantee you some food
4)      Don’t waste time getting drinks or forks…grab a plate and go right for the food…people don’t mind stepping aside for you to grab a fork and knife…but they sure as hell do mind if you step in line for food. Same with drinks…wait till after you guarantee yourself some food.
5)      Start a new line…at the OTHER end of the table…or on the other side of the table…people can’t bitch at you because of your extreme efficiency…plus…more then likely people will join you in the new line and chaos should ensue…use the chaos to stuff your face
6)      ACT LIKE YOU RUN THE PLACE (all while stealing food)…be the person in charge…pass out some plates to some people around you…check to make sure the cheese platter is still filled…just make it look like “you set this shit up…and you will take this crap down”…people won’t mind if you grab a few sandwiches if they think you are the person who set it all up.
7)      Take everything…you might not be able to go back and get more…so serve yourself with a heavy hand…think you can only have one sandwich…take 6…try everything…just do it and pretend you are getting stuff for others at your table…BUT SO HELP ANYONE IF THEY TRY AND TAKE SOME OF YOUR FOOD!!!

Use these tips at your next event and have some fun with it. I will post again later…thank you to those readers who welcomed me back! I promise (somewhat) that I will try and go back to posting virtually every night. Anyway…maybe, readers, if you are lucky

RANDOM THOUGHT!....I really reeeeallly want some Sparklers and fireworks…anyone have any ideas…

Anyway…
CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

POST NUMERO 7: I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER


I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MYSELF – BITTER

So one time I was drinking incredibly quickly brewed coffee in the teachers lounge at school. Not the best coffee of course, not my favorite Italian Espresso or something fancy…just a nice cup of coffee (caffeine in a Peanuts Mug). So, allow me to recreate the scene, Picture I am sitting there with my coffee cup, not saying or doing anything, just savoring the moment, thinking of my next blog post, and suddenly, the only other person in the room, a fellow employee looks up at me in what appears to be complete seriousness and goes:

Anonymous Coworker: “Looks like that coffee is a little bitter for you…you should add some salt to it…the salt will take away the bitterness...”
I was Baffled...
Ok, so let me dissect this comment…
1)      What the hell was I doing that made this coworker think I was "disliking" the coffee?…Was my body doing something it should not have been?…Was I making a face?
2)      What the hell kind of comment is that to break a silence? Usually, a conversation starts with “How are you today?” or “What is up?” and if a person is going down the random conversation route, make a general comment like “Looks like it might rain later” or “That copy machine is running louder then normal.”
3)      What the frick book were you reading that told you THAT tidbit of knowledge about putting “salt” in coffee…Was it a TV show you watched, or perhaps a morning news segment…
4)      If I as so much think about putting salt in my coffee it makes me a little sick to my stomach and angry
5)      Stop looking at me.
6)      SUGAR REMOVES BITTERNESS!!! AND IT IS COFFEE! COFFEE SHOULD HAVE SOME BITTERNESS TO IT!!!
7)      Stop looking at me.
8)      Was this some sort of insult…was she perhaps hitting one me? ehhh ehhh...

But in honesty…this was what I qaulify as one of those "low points" in social interactions. Was the silence that awful! Perhaps this coworker was holding onto that fact for years and she finally found the perfect moment, the perfect person to share it with, ME!. The comment opened up the Pandora’s Box of stale chit chat and for the rest of my break period I just kept saying hollow YEAAAHs! TOTALLYs! OH REALLYs?!  And WOWs!

Also to go back…What made her say that?…I was so self conscious after she said it and  I finished my coffee in a way that must have made it look like I was in a Folgers commercial. I was making sure that in no way was I registering the uncomfortable nature of what had just happened.

Trying to think if anything happened today…nothing much at all…I shaved my head last night! That might be exciting to some! Also I now have ads on my blog that make me feel important! Hope everyone had a great Manic Monday…it is almost Friday!



CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!
 
To all my New Folowers From Malaysia, Terima kasih!!
To all my New Followers from Russia, Привет!
To my Followers in the UK.  Thanks and the Olympics should be amazing!

Happy Nurses week to the Lovely Nurse Jackie C., Nurse Jordan M., Nurse Lontai and all the other nurses whom make the world a more safe and awesome place!
Nurses...they are awesome!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

POST NUMERO 6.2: Self Done Haircuts and Bonfire Fever

I said I was going to do three...


SO with this that makes three for today!!

Do you have fire building skills? Because I am in the mood for a bonfire! It is way over due and about time for a nice warm night and an outdoor event…my blood is boiling for one. Sadly, it has been wet outside and even if the day is warm it seems to get rather brisk and slightly uncomfortable out by nighttime. The last time I went to an outdoorish “get together” was at my friend Joe’s house a few weeks back. It was a very nice evening with wine and a bonfire. I stayed outside for most the night because it was a beautiful night. Outside with me, around the fire, were two very good friends and we talked about, how German is a harsh yet awesome language, how Europeans are very touchy and hold onto people’s thighs when talking, and also how every church has a relic in their alter and it might be something like a nipple.
Good Memories…this is a crappy third post but I have only a few minutes to complete it and fill my 3 today goal!
WHAT ELSE! OH I HAD CEREAL AND GAVE MYSELF A HAIRCUT!...I usually do fine with self done haircuts but this time I went a little over board and have some very very short parts…but what ever…it will grow back…and I needed to cut my hair short for safety purposes
Sunday Funday was not that exciting this time around! New week tomorrow…

CHEERS! SALUTE! CHIN CHIN!

Oh on a “I have become obsessive” note…for some reason a large white space has decided to wedge itself in between post number 6.1 and 6…I am angered by this and it is causing me to go compulsive and try and fix it…however I am unsuccessful! DAMN YOU WHITE SPACE!!!