POST NUMERO 31: The Black Out

HEY READERS…did you miss me?…yeeeeaaaaah you did!

So I live on the east coast of the USA…in one of the many regions effected by that bitch Sandy (Hurricane Sandy…for those who might think Sandy is a person). Luckily, after the storm our house looks virtually untouched, our land is a 6 out of 10 on the destruction meter, and we are immensely lucky compared to what could have happened. The biggest bitch however was the fact of how we lost power and how EVERYTHING FREAKING RUNS ON ELECTRICITY…

Now, for those who might not know this fact or whom might have just woken up from a coma that has lasted many years every modern doohickey, light, or electronic device is useless without power! So after a grand total of 13 days without power (even currently the damn lights are still flickering) it has been restored…

Why am I telling you this, well, FOR ONCE my laziness is not the reason for my lack of posts…this time it was pure natural disaster…

Yep, Hurricane Sandy hit my area REAL bad and my prayers and positive thoughts go out to those affected by the storm…

SO, being that I have spent the past 13 days in the freezing ass dark I mentally jotted down some ways to Survive a Black Out in the most sarcastic way possible:

Ok firstly: Prepare your house BEFORE hand…duh…being prepared is half the battle…make sure you are stocked up on plenty of NON-perishable food and other stuff. Have bottled water ready and other stuff to make sure you don’t starve or dehydrate. Going out during or after a storm means absolute chaos…people turn into animals and will do anything to claim a battery, a jug or water, or that generator (I know first hand...I am one of those animals...just ask my neighborhood Home Depot...in my defense though...no one should ever mess with me at Home Depot)

Secondly: Get your flashlights, and candles out BEFORE it gets dark…Listen, this is huge because my family NEVER EVER DOES THIS (I always do…they just never have gotten the memo). Some people have great night vision…I am not one of those people. I am blind at night! So if you pride yourself on being one of "those people" who can see in the dark and have "amazing night vision"...I will show you a perfect combination indifference and "STFU" until you prove it by turning off the lights, taking off you shoes, and navigating a tile floor filled with scattered Lego bricks.

Let me see your "Great Night Vision Now"!

Thirdly: Don’t fucking rearrange your house before the storm. YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED…So long story short…we have a bunch of fucking Palm Trees…yes that is right…Palm Trees. Upon hearing that the temperature was going to drop my Father began the ritual of bringing all the outdoor plants indoors… BAD FREAKING IDEA NUMBER 1…my Mother then rearranged the plants neatly around the house (In front of windows…next to doors…directly in the way of EVERYTHING). Of course with the presence of the beloved palms…furniture was moved… The amount of freaking times I got poked by a sharp palm tree frond or tripped over a newly placed piece of furniture…let me put it this way…one of the palm trees was angrily thrown out of a second floor window by the second day of darkness.

I don’t know…just be prepared

I am slightly off guard currently being that Halloween was cancelled and It is already November...

BTW…a man can only play Monopoly so many freaking times…

Anyway…

It is November….wow…I have missed two weeks out of my life that I will never get back...Anyway, keep those effected by Hurricane Sandy in your mind, hearts, and prayers.

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CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!