Hello readers, guess what time it is?…IT IS HALLOWEEN prep
time!…
Yes, that’s correct readers…Halloween is right around the
corner and it is time for me to get into the spirit…and how better to “feel the
fright” then to blog about if from the safety and darkness of my room…
So, last night I was having a conversation with my best
friend and we got on the topic of “Haunted Houses”…
“Haunted Houses” are such a typical Halloween attraction to
find lurking around town or at the local “Harvest Festival” that they have become
synonymous with “Halloween Fun”. In fact when people look for fun things to do
for Halloween, haunted houses are inevitably top of the list.
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| If you can believe...the house on the right is the haunted one... |
Now, being that I am a joyless indecisive person, I’m torn
on whether I enjoy haunted houses….. With their costumed players, spooky music
and darkened rooms, they present a great way to get the daylights scared out of
you…all while spending time with your friends or family…
However, when I truly break it down in my mind I just DON’T
seem to see how Haunted Houses can be “fun”…
My reasoning is as such…What sadistic bastard decided that
walking through a dark house/barn/mansion was a good way of spending quality
time with friends?… When did walking through a booby-trapped house of horrors
become something fun to do on a October Friday night?
Think about it…you are essentially voluntarily walking into
what some would call, “Hell”.
However, honestly, I find a certain allure in them…I find
them exhilarating with all the guaranteed fear-in-your-face special effects,
animation, and Hollywood-style sets that even the cheapest of haunted houses
will have. I do not take for granted the safety in organized uncertainty…it
makes my tiny heart race.
However I understand that some do not like this feeling of
an impending heart attack while stuck in a dark room. Some House of Horrors
have zombies, demons, vampires, psycho killers, and the living dead creeping
around every corner…this can cause some haunted houses to be a little too
freaking scary, and a little too FREAKING suspenseful for some.
So if you're wondering how you can get through a haunted
house without running out halfway through, then here are some of my tips for
you readers that will help you when you are dragged along to your “Halloween
Night of Fun.”
TIPS FOR SURVIVING A HAUNTED HOUSE
- The Name of the Game is In the Name:
HINT HINT readers…the name gives a hint of what you should expect…follow
this trend readers…
-Petting Zoo: A place where you can PET what one can assumer ZOO animals
-Fun House: A house filled with fun
-Water Park: A place that involves
water and is recreational like a park
-HAUNTED HOUSE: A HOUSE THAT IS
SEEMINGLY HAUNTED!!
Don’t walk in thinking that it is
going to be filled with fluffy bunnies, unicorns, and rainbows…you are pretty
much paying for the scare…so Don’t be stupid and walk into it asking “How scary
is this?” or the ever more popular and generic, “Is it Scary?” If you are
looking for something tame try “Bunny Land” (Unless you have Leporiphobia…then
just don’t leave the house…)
- Ok, so you are one of the hundreds of unfortunate souls, dragged to the haunted house by their friends, you are too scared to even think about the horrors that wait inside…you’re friends are all waiting for you at the entrance of the Haunted House…basically you are hating life. Well stop, because now would be the perfect time to Determine whether you really want to do this or not. If you're somebody who gets easily scared to the point of no return then you may just end up getting badly scared (or scarred for life) and not enjoying yourself at all. Seriously, most of us are grown ass adults of sound mind and judgment so put on your big boy pants, make a choice, and shut the hell up. Make a mental check list or debate the pros/cons with the other voices in your mind (wait, WHAT?! You don’t have other voices?!?!) till you definitely know you want to do this. It's okay not to and it doesn't mean that you're a "chicken" (it might make you a bit of a pansy…but not a chicken). You just didn't want to do it.
- Scared and Scarred are almost the same word…ONE “R” MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!! Think about it…Do you really want to put yourself in a situation where you might be Scarred for life?! Some people legit have big fears of being scared. They don’t like it…it is ok to be one of those people…Don’t risk being scarred for life.
- The World is Closer then It seems… Stay close to reality. If you start to get really scared, then calm the fuck down and remind yourself that this isn't real. Tell yourself that it's just pretend, and that it's provided for your “enjoyment”. Look around you…take a deep breath…and center yourself. Think past the moment…what are you doing when you getting out of the place…dinner…drinks…drinks…drinking…more drinks?
- Read the Rules and Listen to the People… They are there for a reason and give you hints of what might happen…Be very leery of the Haunted Houses that say “Actors may touch you but you may not touch the actors”…because, ya know, you will be touched and not have the ability to “Knock a Bitch out!”
- Go with someone close to you and you're comfortable around. That way, when/if you get scared, you can hold onto each other. Plus, things don't seem as scary when you've got a friendly face by your side. Go in a group. Things can be scarier when it's just two or three people--you feel more helpless. Try going with a group of at least four (so you can freak out in pairs and are covered in all directions)--things will be more fun and it won't be as scary. As a rule of thumb…take friends that you would not be afraid to fart in front of (what?!...this comment is shocking for me to make). Haunted House fear/ embarrassment has to be on par with…ya know…what I said before… Also, if you go with your best friends and everyone reacts poorly then there is no potential blackmail
- Don’t Let your guard down but relax and have fun: The last moment is always the worst…When you’re exiting the house that is when they hide the worst scare…they let you seem free and then BAM crazy chainsaw wielding maniac… Enjoy yourself. Don't run around totally freaked out and screaming. Calm down, and enjoy everything--the suspense, the effects, etc. Remember that the only reason the haunted house exists is so that people can have a fun time. So let yourself get spooked--enjoy it!
- When planning to attend a Haunted House think about your attire: The shoes are especially important, think comfort. Also a hoody or hat to hide your face from the action might help the truly overwhelmed…
- Realize your surroundings are bigger then they appear: When walking through dark, confined spaces know that the haunted house is built so that you will not hit your head or fall down, you can walk with confidence (unless you are a naturally clumsy person). This is because of safety reasons for everyone. This space provides enough room for crowd reaction and gives ample room to avoid contact with the staff (I call it the swing’n’miss zone…in clearer terms, enough room where the actor scaring you runs no risk of being punched in the face!)
Anyway, Screw the zombies, murderers, and blood…the scariest
thing for me at any Haunted House is the Strobe Lights…HA! #epilepsy
OH…anyway…I’m off for now…
Anyway, More Posts Coming Soon
Keep Emailing me your suggestions…
READ, SHARE, and ENJOY
CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!
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