So…guess what has not happened in a long time…
A calendar post…
So…guess what this post is about…
AUGUST’s CALENDER POST!
Readers…I’ll be honest…I don’t know where most of you live
so, Tomorrow/Today/Yesterday/Etc. is the first day of August…
Frankly August…I don’t think I like you much…
I like you August…but I don’t like you August…It is not
me…it’s you…
August…I don’t understand you…
HUH?
I did not understand what I wrote either…
I will admit my indifference to August…I don’t
know…I just don't know if I like it or not...
So, why the indifference? I believe it stems from my life
being crap…just kidding…it stems from the fact of how I am not a “complete
summer minded person” and the fact of how my life is currently in limbo (and also because my life is crap).
Here is some of my reasoning…
1) I love
the weather, but hate the heat I am a weather snob. I am incredibly picky
about my weather and when it is too hot or humid I turn into a terrible person
(or, more of a terrible person). August in New Jersey is just hot…hot…and
hotter. It is the damn hottest month of them all! I can not stand the New
Jersey heat, however I love “Vacation Heat”. I can stay outside for hours in
the sweltering temperatures if I am in Florida or back in the home country (Italy).
I think it is because in Florida and Italy I am never more then an arms length
(with cigarette extension) away from a Pool to dive into or a Ocean to float
around in…
Here in Jersey though…I have nothing…No beach, no pool, just
the water hose…SO HOT OUTSIDE!
2) August
you are a necessary snoozefest August is a lazy ass month…it is just sooooo
lazy… Need Proof of how lazy it is, I bet you are currently reading this with
your computer balanced on your stomach, next to a list you made of stuff you
should have done this summer, as you half-watch an old Friends rerun with one
end of a straw in your mouth and the other in a can of something cold…wait,
maybe that is just me…
Now I am not opposed to this Laziness, and I am perfectly OK
with the fact of how August is the perfect time for laziness…But seriously what
else is happening/ what else are you going to do today. If you so much as poke
a finger outside then you are drowned in an ocean of sweat and humidity… But, I
love being lazy…
3) The
result of necessary seclusion By this point in the summer…nothing is really
happening in the outside world…There are no good movies playing, all magazines
and stores are dedicating themselves to fall and back to school, the malls are
probably displaying Christmas stuff by now, and the beach...I repeat…it is hot!
It is the “stay indoors month” You have eleven other months to be social, move
your legs, and inhale non-conditioned air…
4) Wind through my Willows In my house we
don’t use Air Conditioning…if you want to cool down you have two options…lay
underneath a fan and relax…or STFU! I however carry around an electric fan with
me plugging it in everywhere I go…
5) Back to School Buzz…for Kids= hell, and
for parents= THANK GOD!
6) Losing my bare necessities I give up
bad habits due to family vacation…this is probably one of the biggest reasons…
August is “Torre Family Vacation” Month…There for truly again my I nature I
turn into a complete and total Angel. I bottle up every craving and bad habit
and usually flip out somewhere around September…THIS IS THE BIGGEST REASON WHY I CAN’T STAND AUGUST… I’ll elaborate
in a future post…
7) Losing my mind counting down the days I
am not doing anything and just mope around all day. I even took the time to make
a list of things to do before September arrives and I have completed nothing. It
was stupid of me to work during the summer when I did not truly have to…but it
is almost done and I spend my after work hours taking naps and sitting
underneath my fan wonder which way the damn blades should go…
Anyway,
So August is known for many things…
Firstly as a Month it is both “Family Fun Month” and “Admit
You’re Happy Month”… (HEY LOOK!, two reasons why I should dislike August…)
Food and drink wise it is “National Catfish Month”, “Peach
Month”, “National Picnic Month”, and “Water Quality Month” …love me some
peaches and water…
Health wise…It is STD Awareness Month, Romance Awareness
Month (STDs and Romance…Silly August), and National Eye Exam Month
The 3rd is National Mustard Day
The 8th is “National Sneak Some Zucchini onto
Your Neighbor's Porch Day”…which I assume is an Innuendo (giggity)
The 12th is “Acknowledge your Middle Child
Day”…which is the only time you should acknowledge them, so, use it wisely
middle children of the world!
The 21st is “National Old People Day”
And on the 29th…the ever important, “Use Herbs
not salt Day” …which I assume is code for something illegal…
Anyway, More Posts Coming Soon
Keep Emailing me your suggestions…
READ, SHARE, and ENJOY
CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!
