POST NUMERO 41: The Calender Post Returns!

So…guess what has not happened in a long time…

A calendar post…

So…guess what this post is about…

AUGUST’s CALENDER POST!

Readers…I’ll be honest…I don’t know where most of you live so, Tomorrow/Today/Yesterday/Etc. is the first day of August…

Frankly August…I don’t think I like you much…

I like you August…but I don’t like you August…It is not me…it’s you…

August…I don’t understand you…

HUH?

I did not understand what I wrote either…

I will admit my indifference to August…I don’t know…I just don't know if I like it or not...

So, why the indifference? I believe it stems from my life being crap…just kidding…it stems from the fact of how I am not a “complete summer minded person” and the fact of how my life is currently in limbo  (and also because my life is crap).

Here is some of my reasoning…

1⁾ I love the weather, but hate the heat I am a weather snob. I am incredibly picky about my weather and when it is too hot or humid I turn into a terrible person (or, more of a terrible person). August in New Jersey is just hot…hot…and hotter. It is the damn hottest month of them all! I can not stand the New Jersey heat, however I love “Vacation Heat”. I can stay outside for hours in the sweltering temperatures if I am in Florida or back in the home country (Italy). I think it is because in Florida and Italy I am never more then an arms length (with cigarette extension) away from a Pool to dive into or a Ocean to float around in…

Here in Jersey though…I have nothing…No beach, no pool, just the water hose…SO HOT OUTSIDE!

2⁾ August you are a necessary snoozefest August is a lazy ass month…it is just sooooo lazy… Need Proof of how lazy it is, I bet you are currently reading this with your computer balanced on your stomach, next to a list you made of stuff you should have done this summer, as you half-watch an old Friends rerun with one end of a straw in your mouth and the other in a can of something cold…wait, maybe that is just me…

Now I am not opposed to this Laziness, and I am perfectly OK with the fact of how August is the perfect time for laziness…But seriously what else is happening/ what else are you going to do today. If you so much as poke a finger outside then you are drowned in an ocean of sweat and humidity… But, I love being lazy…

3⁾ The result of necessary seclusion By this point in the summer…nothing is really happening in the outside world…There are no good movies playing, all magazines and stores are dedicating themselves to fall and back to school, the malls are probably displaying Christmas stuff by now, and the beach...I repeat…it is hot! It is the “stay indoors month” You have eleven other months to be social, move your legs, and inhale non-conditioned air…

4⁾ Wind through my Willows In my house we don’t use Air Conditioning…if you want to cool down you have two options…lay underneath a fan and relax…or STFU! I however carry around an electric fan with me plugging it in everywhere I go…

5⁾ Back to School Buzz…for Kids= hell, and for parents= THANK GOD!

6⁾ Losing my bare necessities I give up bad habits due to family vacation…this is probably one of the biggest reasons… August is “Torre Family Vacation” Month…There for truly again my I nature I turn into a complete and total Angel. I bottle up every craving and bad habit and usually flip out somewhere around September…THIS IS THE BIGGEST REASON WHY I CAN’T STAND AUGUST… I’ll elaborate in a future post…

⁷⁾ Losing my mind counting down the days I am not doing anything and just mope around all day. I even took the time to make a list of things to do before September arrives and I have completed nothing. It was stupid of me to work during the summer when I did not truly have to…but it is almost done and I spend my after work hours taking naps and sitting underneath my fan wonder which way the damn blades should go…

Anyway,

So August is known for many things…

Firstly as a Month it is both “Family Fun Month” and “Admit You’re Happy Month”… (HEY LOOK!, two reasons why I should dislike August…)

Food and drink wise it is “National Catfish Month”, “Peach Month”, “National Picnic Month”, and “Water Quality Month” …love me some peaches and water…

Health wise…It is STD Awareness Month, Romance Awareness Month (STDs and Romance…Silly August), and National Eye Exam Month

The 3^rd is National Mustard Day

The 8^th is “National Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day”…which I assume is an Innuendo (giggity)

The 12^th is “Acknowledge your Middle Child Day”…which is the only time you should acknowledge them, so, use it wisely middle children of the world!

The 21^st is “National Old People Day”

And on the 29^th…the ever important, “Use Herbs not salt Day” …which I assume is code for something illegal…

Anyway, More Posts Coming Soon

Keep Emailing me your suggestions…

READ, SHARE, and ENJOY

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN! 

POST NUMERO 26: August is crap, Creamsicles, and Going Crazy

Alright, time to follow the traditions of  "TALES FROM THE BOTTOM OF A SHOT GLASS" and usher in a new month...so...let me clear my throat...
AUGUST IS HERE!!! HOORAY!!!!
and by "HOORAY!!!!" I really mean..."THIS MONTH IS CRAP!!!!"

Well, with the way my summer has been going I don't even know how I have made it to this month! In years past, I have always still been away on vacation for the entire month of August. Just a handful of times I have been in the states or at home and all the other summers I have always either been in Italy or Florida or any place but home. So for me this summer is extremely different...

Do not get me wrong, I like being home...I, on occasion, get to see my friends  and have some wild times, I get work done that I normally can't do else where, I am having loads of "family time", and I am even finding ways to further my career. HOWEVER, screw all that because I love being away for August!

With out going away I have realized that August is a useless transition month and I REALLY can't handle it. Turn on the TV and you will see all the "Back to School" commercials and the "Upcoming Fall Television Line Ups" being advertised. Flip through the TV stations and you will literally witness new programs and commercials that ALREADY usher in the upcoming holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas)! August is that month that just wants to pummel you with the fact of how summer is over.

In terms of weather...where I live Mother Nature has given August full permission to be extremely hot, extremely muggy, and extremely capable of causing tropical depressions/ hurricanes.

But maybe I am just biased in my thinking as this summer did not pan out exactly the way I had hoped...

The best feeling in the world (at least for me) was coming back from the extreme heat of Italy and being welcomed into the extremely green and awaiting Fall season...I do not have that this summer so something feels incomplete....

I however would be OK with it if I had done some sort of world wide adventure this summer...but I did not...I barely even left my house for most the summer as I was WAY to busy tending to family and personal matters...
Some of you might be thinking..."SO WHAT?! I stay at home all the time..." but this is incredibly different and serious to me...and this is why:
Staying home is an unknown situation for me...and I may (will) sound spoiled but I have NEVER spent a summer at home...
I think I may have mentioned before that I have spent every summer of my life away in another place. I was gifted with a house in Italy and I loved it and went there every summer with my family. Then life got busier, and since I was a senior in High School it became increasingly difficult to pick up everything and go away as I started finding more and more obligations to keep me tethered to home.
So this sitting around is driving me mad...sitting around however means getting stuff done but all this tending to crap is driving me CRAZY...I literally feel a clock ticking down in my mind as September approaches and I have to restart work...I have done nothing worth while and I feel the time slowly and terribly passing...
So how do I remedy this....well, I do not know... I literally am looking at the level of craziness I am at (If you want a good gauge...the post before this one is all about making friends out of rubber gloves...I am at THAT level of crazy)

So what can we do in August...
Well...
August is National Catfish and Golf Month...
um...what else...OH, August is "Romance Awareness Month"...which helps me NOTHING because I am NEVER aware of romance (remember...I have as much "game" as a rained out baseball tournament")
It is Family Fun Month and National Picnic month...which I guess could be a fun combination!

08/14 is National Creamsicle Day
which some might take to mean this...

But I will take it to mean...

but without this month...we would not have the Olympics...and THE OLYMPICS ARE AWESOME!

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!!
more posts coming soon!

POST NUMERO 25: Olympics part one, and I am back but my computer is crap

This one is going to be quick and painless...

Holy Crap, I have done it again…I have managed to completely and totally neglect my responsibility to write for my adoring (and increasingly angry) fans. Why have I been missing in action…well firstly I am a lazy ass ( I am sure you are aware of this as I type it everytime I am missing for a period of time)…I really am…most times I literally wake up in the morning or get an idea so quickly that I run to my computer and I get all excited but by the time my comp boots up I end up giving up, checking my email, and surfing google aimlessly

I am going to blame a lot of my absence on the fact of how my crap computer is completely and totally incapable of performing tasks…and let me break it down for you

1) My computer takes forever to boot up…it is SLOW…everytime I turn it on it takes about three attempts to start a full boot and then when it does boot up it takes forever to actually allow me to click on ANYTHING…so when I am ready to finally type…the moment and inspiration are gone.

2) My computer is missing keys and a lot of the keys do not work… when I am saying missing keys I am not talking about useless keys that have never been pressed on ANY computer (I.E. "scroll lock" and "~")…I am talking…and I hate to admit this…and it may blow most your minds…the space key on my computer does not work! YES in order to type out this brilliance I have to paste in every single space. YES, LET ME REPEAT,  EVERYTIME YOU SEE A SPACE…I HIT “CTRL + V” AND PASTE IN A SPACE…It has taken the fun out of writing and unless I start making some bank off this blog, get a generous donation, or find a wonderful way to become famous and make money... I am stuck with this computer.

In related news, my computer’s “5 key” and “N key” do not work, so anytime you see an “n” or a “5” it is also copied and pasted…

In other words….THIS COMPUTER HAS BEEN A COMPLETE AND TOTAL NIGHTMARE

SO, if I was typing straight out with out using copy and paste it would look something like this (allow me to use a verse from 12 days of christmas)

 “ OthethdayofChristmas,
Mytruelovegavetome,
GoldeRigs,
4CalligBirds,
3Frech Hes,
2TurtleDoves,
AdaPartridgeiaPearTree  “

I am seriously losing my mind with all these missing and broken keys…so my head has not been completely into the typing lately…

Also my computer has become the family computer because our other computer broke (yes that is right...this computer is the GOOD computer). With four people sharing one computer I have not had much time to sit and contemplate blog posts.

Secondly, lots of tradegy and crap has fallen upon the house of Torre…I promised this would not be a gloom and doom type of blog so I will keep the details to myself but just know that the Torre Family (whoever we might be) could use a ton of prayer right now. ANYWAY...

Thirdly, HOLY CRAP THE OLYMPICS HAVE TAKEN A HOLD OF ME!!!! I have been so engrossed with it that I can not stop watching…no matter what the sport... I have been glued to the tv set. I think I said in the first post I ever made that “world sporting events” such as the Olympics, and the World Cup are my favorite things to watch. I love the idea of countries competing and already having the best of the best athletes being showcased. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! (this came out in a demon like voice).
Anyway, the games showcase so much talent...talents that I will never have... so I enjoy living through the fantasies saying HEY I could TOTALLY do that! Here are my other top reasons of why I enjoy the Olympics...

1)      The “IT IS ALL ABOUT THE COUNTRY” aspect…think about it…the athletes are not just competeing for themselves they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. It is amazing watching the athletes stand on the podium and sing the national anthem of their country as EVERYONE tears up. It doesn’t matter if maybe you don’t like the athlete but you sure as hell like your country!

2)      The Opening Ceremonies, and seeing countries go ALL OUT in ringing in the beginning of the Olympic games. It’s always fun to see all the athletes marching in …waving their country’s flag… pretending people actually know ANYTHING about their count. I mean come on, you learn so much geography as you go through the parade of nations…usually this geography lesson happens when you stumble upon the country with all consonets in its name and you scream out.. ”WAIT, THAT IS A COUNTRY!?!” or “ WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”

NOW ENTERING....FTNTBSKWNDL!!....

3)      Ok, everyone is just so damn good looking…even the “bad looking” ones are still highly attractive or redeemable…you do not become an olympian with out some sort of physical activity to keep you fit. In honesty however, those who might not be high up on the attractive scale could easily snap someone in two, shoot you, filet you with a sword, or pong you to death…so I will challenge anyone to tell them, “hey, you are not that good looking!”  I mean example… OW OW!

yeeeeeeeeahhhhh....

4)      CHEERING!...everyone cheers…cheer on your team, and everyone, no matter what, has someone to cheer for!!!!

So many more reasons…I just get overwhelmed even typing them…I will put up more…when I am not so EXCITED!!!!!!!

ANYWAY...hmmmm what to type...let me type...

What else have I been doing...OH...interviews...trying to find my dream job! I just am trying to get it done...this whole work crap thing! Blech...

I will be back soon...
In  a little bit...I am going to write my "IT IS AUGUST!!!" post...although I am hating it because that means here comes work again...

CHEERS, SALUTE, CHIN CHIN!!
welcome August!